Thursday, November 30, 2000

Well, November 30th 2000....yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday....wow...29 years old, it doesn't seem even remotely possible that I am this close to thirty years of age. I had a great birthday....I came into work about 10 "something". Received cake, icecream and a gift from my co-workers. My sister, Renee, and one of her friends named Michelle took me to O'Charley's and treated me to lunch, I had one of my favority O'Charley's meals....vegtetable steamer..."MMMMMMMMMMMSo good!".....After work Renee and I lounged around the house and talked and watched Judge Judy put the screws into several defendants, and headed out the door for Dev's basketball practice at the Y. After that we went up to KSU and watched my Alma Mater beat Morehouse in an overtime defeat. We went home got the boys off to bed, and passed out watching Liar Liar with Jim Carrey. Uneventful birthday? If that is what it is called so be it. To me it was almost picture perfect.

Tuesday, November 28, 2000

Man, I feel good...a little down in the dumps about the news I heard last night, but I am still excited about the future...more to come later.

Wednesday, November 22, 2000

November 22nd, 2000.....My mother was born 66 years ago today. Wow....I never thought that the age of 66 could seem so young to me! Maybe it is just because I am getting older...I am not going to be able to come home, but I am going to call her and wish her a happy birthday, I am going to see her tomorrow so that is when I am going to give her a gift and a card. This will also be the first Thanksgiving that Renee and I will spend together. Last year we went to out seperate homes, but we are making a concerted effort to be at one another's house for this special day, we are still working out the details for Christmas time. Wow...mom was born in 1934, and dad in 1933...it seems inconceivable at times. They were born in an entirely different world. A world where poor black folks from the South had little chance of making it out of their respective rural communities, but yet, they did. I wonder how well I would have fared had I been born with so many things stacked against me. Mom and Dad were able to stay together and maintain their marriage for over 46 years...raise 3 children, see all of them graduate from college and go on to be self-sufficient. *sigh* In this day and time they are the exception to the rule in my book. I just called mom a minute ago, but she was not home...she always likes to go to the mall to walk for exercise in the morning. Hmmm...I wish I could be that motivated. Well, more later.

Thursday, November 16, 2000

Well, it has been quite some time since I have posted something to my weblog, but I have been much more diligent in regard to making notes in my journal book. Things have been going spectacularly well for Renee and I, and the monetary considerations in regard to our wedding don't seem to be quite as insurmountable. I have decided to not go back in to the active military, but I am considering becoming a National Guard Officer. I do want to have some way to fulfill my dreams of being a military officer even if it is on such a part time basis. *sigh* This was a difficult decision for me because I am never going to have the chance to be an active military officer now because of my age. 28 almost 29 is very young in the grand scheme of things, but nevertheless I am beginning to feel my age in a great many ways. I am working part time at Elder-Beerman, and hopefully that will allow me to put more money away for our upcoming wedding date...August 4th...so far, but yet so close. Things are going well with my family and with most of my friends. I suppose that money could be better, but I don't think I will ever believe that I am making as much as what I deserve...LOL! But, nevertheless I am happy at a degree that I never thought possible. I do have an interview with Valvoline, and I suppose that the allure of more money has me on such a high cloud, but I am thinking about longevity, and the opportunity to further my education. All in all things are quite well for me and my family. More to come later.

Wednesday, November 01, 2000

All men who are indeed men second guess themselves and analyze their position in life. I have been doing this more and more as of late. I have seriously considered going back into the military as a permanent career, but I have a great many things to consider now that I never even thought of before. There is the situation with my family, Renee's family, the boys, my financial situation, moving to another state, and the possibility that I could be seperated from Renee, Devon, and Robbie for an extended amount of time. I have thought and thought about all of the pros and cons of the situation and I am leaning toward turning from the military and exploring as many options as I can locally. I have thought about the significant impact that a move like this will have on Renee and the boys. I am concerned about her familial attachments also, but my main concern and point of approval is Renee. She says that she will stand with me no matter what, but I don't want to put her though anything unnecessary. Honestly at this stage of the game I feel as if maybe my impetus for wanting to do the military thing is the fact that in a short time I will be too old to enter the service. *sigh* Do I really want this, or is it simply the fact that I don't want to wonder what I could have done. I am going to pray on this one and let God lead me toward the proper decision. I can always fulfill my military officer dreams through the National Guard, while it may not have the same impact and all of that it will be an outlet. Right now, I feel as if there is so much I need to do in regard to bettering myself to be the best husband/father I can be to Renee and the boys. My father was so much to me, and still is for that matter, he always had time for me, always was there for me, and was always capable of providing me with whatever I needed...financially, emotionally, spiritually, all ways. If all men were half the man that my father is, the world would be nearly a perfect place. He is the person that I have tried to emulate for as long as I can remember. I try to compare my accomplishments to date with him, and invariably I do have a feeling of "coming up short". Oh well, I will keep trying...I love the Lord and all of the blessings that he has bestowed upon me. I know I just need to leave this in his hands......pray for me.