Monday, February 19, 2001

Well, things this weekend went very well....I didn't get all of the rest that I had hoped to, but luckily I did enjoy myself....I did manage about 3 hours of time with just me and Renee. We went to see Chris Rock's "Down to Earth", it wasn't the fun-themed comedy that I expected. It was very funny, but most of the entertainment came from the numerous stand-up comedy scenes that were showcased. Chris Rock is a very talented comedian, but, I think that he ought to look at some of the movie roles that he accepts with a little more care. Oh well hopefully sometime this week we will be able to go see Hannibal. I read the book and completely loved it. We shall see how the movie measures up. I already heard that the ending was not the same as what it was in the book. Jodie Foster is not starring in it, but as long as Anthony Hopkins remains I am more than happy. Well, the Legislature goes in at 4:00 today, so I will undoubtedly have a long, long, day at work. Well wish me luck, keep me in your prayers, and always stay positive!

Peace!

Friday, February 16, 2001

Things are cranking up to a fever pitch at work...Friday and Monday are going to be the worst days. I have a whole stack of regs...a draft to finish by close of business, an information request, and two meetings to attend today. With that being said, let me get on it!

Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 15, 2001

Well, work continues to wear upon me. I am still trying to solve my money problems, but I do have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear, so in that regard I am blessed. I am always looking for more though. My thoughts aren't singing out to me like they usually do in the morning, so I may have to come back later after I have something to eat and time to get settled in to my desk.

Saturday, February 10, 2001

There is no consolation in hypocrisy or philosophy, so invariably you are best to stay true to yourself. When contention rares its ugly head, it is best to handle it as you would anything else. Stay true to your personality, and don't ever think that you should practice what you preach, because preaching entails a great deal of responsibility. Also, never make promises that you cannot keep. I always pride myself with saying that, but, ultimately it is better to not make promises, but to create big outcomes. I have reevaluated how I handle the stresses of work and other things in my life, and I think that it is best to stay true to my instincts and I think I will remain on the straight path. I have come to this resolution after talking with my father about a great many decisions that I have to make in regard to the rest of my life. Now that I am precariously balanced on the fine line between twenty-something and thirty-something I realize that time is no longer my ally. There are a great many things that I feel I need to concentrate on in order to make my life the best it can be. These high ideals and lofty attempts are not merely for me, but for my life with Renee, Devon, Robbie, and any future children that we may have. I am putting much more faith in the Lord, and I am going to desperately try not to be so down on myself when things do not work out to my expectations. That is all for now.

Monday, February 05, 2001

Another weekend has come and gone, and I am poised to begin working my 5th Legislative Session, and I really don't want to be here...I am mournfully unhappy at the moment. I really want to take my life a different direction. The reality of life is really setting in, and there are a great many things that I wish that I had done differently. The longer I stay on this course at LRC the harder it will be to break away. I never wanted to become dependant on any vocation, but apparently that has happened. I suppose being nearly 30 years of age, the ability to pick up and switch gears becomes harder and harder. I am very happy with my relationship, but, it is because of my present relationship and all of the responsibility that I have now that I am taking more of an introspective look at the current state of my life. I have been blessed in a great many ways, but I don't think that I have truly blossomed yet. Any day now I suppose. I can just wait and see....this morning I showed up at Renee's office and brought her a cappuccino and a few Danishes from Magee's Bakery. Just to see her sitting there with that smile on her face and chatting with her made me think so much more of what I need to be doing in life. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in what Renee had to say, but just looking at her had my mind wandering to a multitude of faraway places. I thought about all that she means to me...my relationship with the boys, and where I will be this time next year. I suppose there is some reason besides relationship and finances that has me doing so much soul searching as of late. This weekend Renee and I went out to dinner and while we were there we discussed the prospect of having a child. Renee was all for it...as am I .....there is nothing that I want more than to have a child with Renee, but, I am very nervous about my health. To me, they have not been very forthcoming about this supposed "Desert Storm Sickness". I know there was a National Guard Unit over there that had many medical problems, and many of their children that were conceived after returning had a variety of health problems. Having a special needs child would not be something that I would be afraid of. I consider any child to be a gift from God, but the idea that "I" am to blame for a child's impaired mental and/or physical condition would be a heavy blow to take. I suppose the only thing to do would be to leave my prayers and my fears in God's hands......I suppose that is where everything belongs.

Friday, February 02, 2001

Well, today is Friday, yet another week has come and gone....I do have to work tonight, but thankfully enough I do have Saturday off. I don't know how much free time I will have, because I have a lot of things that I want to get accomplished. I really do want to get the house into better shape, and put all of the boxes of Christmas ornaments and what not into storage. I will probably do that early on Saturday morning....I can't wait to see Devon's basketball game...I have had to miss the last two in a row. The job at Elder-Beerman is really starting to get on my nerves although it is much easier now that Christmas season is over. Renee has put in her two weeks notice at the store, and I think that it may be for the best. Although the extra money helps no doubt it is still refreshing to be able to see one another at night. I am tired of working two jobs myself just to keep my head above water. Slowly but surely the sad financial state that I have put myself in is beginning to resolve itself. However, it is disheartening to not be able to pick up items for Renee and the boys when it comes to mind. My car is still running although the O2 sensor is still bad, but it is good enough for getting me from A to B in Frankfort. I have made a concerted effort to post into this weblog more often, but my writing in my journal has seriously declined....I am going to make sure and put something in tonight, or perhaps tomorrow morning. I hope that we have a chance to get out and do something this weekend...we shall see what it holds for us though. I will post again soon......that's all for now.....log off and go home.