Thursday, July 26, 2001

Well, we are down to the single digit days now. The time has still been crawling by for the last three weeks. I am soooooo tired of the right-before-the-wedding details. I just want to hurry up and fast forward to the ceremony and the honeymoon. There seems to be 1001 last minute things that need to be done. Well, something else has come up so I have to finish this post later.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

A clock that counts down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until my wedding ceremony begins: This is the image that greets me when I enter the main part of my website. Nevertheless, I have not felt the uneasiness, anxiety, or uncertainty about a day as momentous as this. I am inexplicably calm at the present point, and to be quite frank the only feelings I have are of eagerness to be done with the wedding ceremony and start my new life. I am soooooo tired of people saying, "Well, you only have two or three weeks left, are ya nervous? Ya got cold feet? You aren't having second thoughts are ya?" One of my former co-workers--he is such an ass--emailed me and asked if I was going to go out with a "bang", like he did, at my bachelor party. I told him that it would not be that type of party. Kind of makes me wonder what some people get married for in the first place. I really don't look at the marriage ceremony and gesture as what I am "giving up", or even as a "loss of freedom". To tell the truth, I am looking at all of the gains to be made from this union. Aside from the obvious joy of a wedding celebration, I am also looking forward to seeing old friends. My number one partner when I was in the Army, Kalvin J. Williams(Will) is coming in town and I cannot wait. It has been almost ten years since I have laid eyes on him. Will and I did so much together, I really learned a lot about life from him though we were the same age. He is coming in town this Thursday, and I have to tell you that I can't wait to see him, to catch up, to reminisce, to find out about what he has been doing. He is working as a Civil Engineer in Houston Texas now. He graduated from Southern University in Baton Rouge, and is currently writing books of poetry. Renee has been doing surprisingly well, even though we have had a few bumps in the road in regard to plans. I hope she doesn't think that I am not happy about the prospect of being married, but honestly I think the Groom experience during the wedding celebration is a lot different than that of the Brides's. Truthfully, it IS their day, and the Groom is just an accessory. Renee is so excited, and she bursts into a falsettic squeal as she tells me about the Bridesmaid dresses and shoes that have come in, swatches of fabric, flower arrangements, and Thank you cards, and RSVP's and what-not. In all actuality most of the men that I know who are married, or about to be married did not accompany their brides-to-be on many of these trips for registering, and selecting patterns, and appropriate invitations and so forth. I did so, not with any resentment, but just out of curiosity at first, and then a sense of support for Renee. But, I do have to admit, that lately I have dreaded any mention of Garden-Ridge or Hallmark. As you can tell by the rest of my website I am a pretty sensitive guy. My frat brothers laugh and call me Ralph Tresvant sometimes, but I would much rather explore the shelves of a store like Circuit City or Footlocker than one that dabbles in Chiffon, Lace, or Sconces. It takes a whole lot for me to lose my patience, composure, and helpful attitude, but once it is gone I can be a little bratty ass....I wholeheartedly admit it. The other day, we got off work and I had hoped to go to the Y to work out, but we had to go measure the church for some type of cloth that Renee wants to string along the pews. After going to sears to buy a tape measure, and then taking the measurements at church, we headed to the car, and Renee smiled that lovely excited smile of hers, and said. "Now we can go to the store and look at fabrics to choose from." Without having time to stifle myself I uttered an audible sigh of displeasure. Renee looked at me, and I could tell she was hurt, (wanted to kick my ass), and said, "Oh babe, don't be like that, don't look so disapointed". If I could have taken back the big sigh and the look, I would have, but I couldn't. Fortunately it did not define my or her demeanor for the rest of the day. After we left there we went to Applebees and had some wings and some drinks. I sat and reflected while we were watching the monitors and chatting. Everything will not always be as hectic as what it is now....sometimes it will be even more hectic, but the common denominator in every situation is that we will be there for one another. I will always be there for Renee........even in the perfume and lace store....LOL!

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

Ho hummmmmmm.....well, I have been mournfully neglectful in keeping my on-line journal, but I have been very responsible about keeping my thoughts annotated in my hardback version. It has been a couple of weeks since I committed anything to my journal, and unfortunately I have some bad news....Renee's grandmother, "Mamoo", passed on the 4th of July. Boy oh boy. Though she is no longer suffering I am going to miss her a great deal. In the two years that Renee and I have been together I have grown quite fond of every member of her family, even Randall whom I have to spar with in some form or fashion every time we see one another. The family is holding together well, but there is a noticeable difference now that the "rock" is gone. Though Mamoo was suffering from dymensia, and her health was failing she still retained every part of the dignity that defined her. Out of everyone in the family I feel the most sympathy for Mr. Paul. He and Mamoo were married for over sixty-five years. Can you imagine that? He has retained his composure and has only allowed us to see him shed a few tears. But, I can see what lies behind that friendly smile and those ever analyzing gray eyes of his. Complete sadness.......I think about the life that he and Mamoo carved out and I wonder how things are going to be when Renee and I hit that point in our lives. Lord, I could not imagine having to watch as she breathed her last breath. I definitely would not want to be the one that remained. There are roughly 25 days until I get married...I installed a countdown clock on my webpage that will count down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until Renee and I exchange our wedding vows. Boy oh boy how time has flown. As of yet, I have not felt the predicable twinges of nervousness or doubt. On the contrary, I am getting more and more excited by the moment at the prospect of beginning mh new life. Well, that is all for now, perhaps I will have time to include more information about my life later on in the day.....