Wednesday, March 27, 2002

I will never ever, ever......

Man, I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and I still saw the same old me. I look in the mirror every morning so I wouldn't notice any quiet changes. One morning I looked in the mirror and thought...."Man, I'm 30". I took a pair of tweezers and yanked a gray hair out of my goatee. Too early for that shit stuff man. In the grand scheme of things thirty is pretty young, I don't have to get up during the middle of the night to ease my bladder. My list of prescriptions doesn't boast viagra in its membership. But, I realize that there are so many things that I can't do now. Even though I never thought about some of those things before and I never had the money, talent, or time to embark upon them there is a feeling of finality when you say out loud. I will never be a professional athlete. I will never be rich. I will never be twenty-something again. I will never be a full-time student again. I will never...gulp! have an entire summer to myself. I will never be carefree again. What brought this on? Hell, I have no idea, I thought about this when I was dropping my children off at school and daycare today. Slowly, surely I have become my father. Of course that is not a bad thing by any stretch. I definitely don't have the romantic street stories to fall back on when I fail. Every black man in the world says, "I never knew my daddy" as an excuse for fucking messing up in life. I had it rough man, my dad was ALWAYS asking me where I was going, what I was doing, how my grades were, what time my games and practices were, whether or not I had done my chores and everything. To quote the popular street vernacular, my folks were always up in "My business my businaaaaas." I look back at all that they have done for me and I have to think to myself. "They did so much for me and my sisters that they had to put things that they wanted to do on the back burner, and I never even thanked them for it." I guess that is what parenting is about. I have two now, and I am anxiously awaiting the third on August 23rd of this year. That will be it though, finito, no more kids. Not because I don't want them, but because I want to be able to care for what I have properly. I will never, ever have another child after this one. I will never have free time like I used to when I was a single man with no responsibilities. I will never, (at least for the next 10 years) be able to sleep in on a Saturday without Bugs Bunny and the road runner blaring at 7:00 in the morning. I will never not have someone to worry and pray about daily. I will never be the most important person in my life ever again. I will never do a lot of things, and I am so grateful for the reasons why.

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

Out with the winter in with the spring........

Kentucky weather is notoriously unpredictable...especially in the spring. The temperature has been going up and down like a Yo-Yo and now we are in the midst of monsoon-like weather. There has been flooding here in Kentucky and in other places in the south. I think I heard on a weather report that a woman was killed by a mudslide in far western Kentucky. Man, can you imagine that? I have been on a slow, yet painful road back to physical fitness for the last week. I decided that I needed to pull this decrepit 30 year old body back into some semblance of shape. I don't really hurt right now, I have just been amazingly stiff every morning when I wake up. I went to the YMCA today on my lunch break and played 2 games of pickup and did a light weight workout....as I sit here now I feel completely refreshed and relaxed, but I know how I will feel in the morning. But, oh well, that is the price we pay for vegetating all winter. Well, nothing major going on so I will cease my rambling.

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

Well, things at work have been somewhat of a mess, and I am proud to say that none of it is my fault. But, unfortunately the area in which I work is directly affected. Therefore it is my problem. Who ever said life was fair, huh? Well, I am trucking right along through life at any rate. Yesterday was Devon's first soccer practice of the Spring, and I must say he performed marvelously. I don't think he has lost a step or a touch since last season. I am looking forward to this upcoming season. I took a few photographs of him yesterday and I can't wait to get them developed. I am thinking about a whole new design for the website, but I don't know when I would have the time to do it. I certainly don't want it to be down for any great length of time. Well, more to come later. Peace!