Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

I am now back in the..... suck.

New Year's Eve 2006..... Coming off of Saddam Hussein't execution yesterday, and the change of year tomorrow you would think I would be poised to do some serious blogging. Despite how poignant a reflection of what I was thinking at this moment could be in years to come, the bottom line is......I'm just too damn tired.

Mirror Pic for Christmas.... Well, my post a couple of days before Christmas kind of betrayed the Christmas blues that I was feeling despite the fact that I was trying to pull off the notion that I could have cared less about Christmas. I talked to my parents, my sisters, and my wife today. My kids were too engaged with Christmas presents at the time that I called, and on top of that I got pulled off the phone to take care of some things. I do feel pretty good, however. Today was a normal day in regard to having work, having deadlines, and having the constant threat of AIF. But all in all I feel good. It is Christmas. Nobody can take that from me, no matter how far from home I may be, the celebration of Jesus' birthday is something that kind of helps me focus while I am here so far away from home. Of course the AIF didn't take a break today, but they were a little more quiet than usual. We caught a 60mm earlier today, and I heard a few more explosions in the distance. I took a ...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.... I would have to say that the title of this post is probably one of the most mendacious statements that I have purposefully made on this blog since I started. It really doesn't look like Christmas. This place looks like Tatooine with a monsoon season. It is cold now, sometimes dipping down into the 40's with overcast skies, and a perpetual misty rain coming down. When you have sand that has the consistency of powdered sugar coupled with rain, you have a complete mess. I went to chow the other night, and there were a bunch of Christmas decorations aroound, but I didn't get that Christmas feeling. They even had some members of the Army Band here playing Christmas songs, but I still didn't get the feeling. I feel like telling the big brass that coming up with something special for troops over in a combat zone is pointless. Just a gesture that only seeks to let us know how far from home, and how far away from a plac...

Well today sucks, but at least...... ....I got to talk to the wife and the kids today. But, things are very bad for me today. Not in the "war is hell, but the men are brave", sort of way. Just bad all around. I am sore from attempting to lift weights. I didn't leave the FOB today, I was stuck behind the desk doing tons of paperwork which is not my favorite thing to do, and I think I am getting a stomach bug. And do you know what is worse than that? The theme from "Welcome Back Kotter" keeps going around and around my head for some reason. I think I have discovered a torture tactic that we could use to get detainees to spill the beans on where weapons caches and terror cells are located. Duct tape them to a chair and play the theme music from sitcoms circa 1972 to 1979.

35..... Today seemed like any other day for a multitude of reasons. Generally on my birthday I am awakened to a warm whispering kiss on my ear from my wife. Then perhaps a rendition of Happy Birthday from my kids and maybe a dinner and a gift in the evening. None of those things are possible right now, given my present location. I am going on my 5th month of being away from all of those things that are familiar to me, and I have quite a long way to go before my life goes back to normal. Today is a day like any other, that consists of waking, shaving throwing on a uniform that has been worn a few days too many. Grabbing a quick breakfast and heading for the TOC to see whether the night before was uneventful, or uneventful for the patrols. It involves being simultaneously happy about non contact, and feeling guilty about wishing that there were more to be done. Today is a day, just like any other that I wish I were at home doing those things that at any other time I would find to be horr...

Is there hope for Iraq? I certainly hope so, for the sake of this little guy. People think of all Iraqi's wanting to kill us and maim us, but that isn't the case. The children come up to us in droves when we are on patrol, and they want #2 pencils or chocolate, (which they pronounce shock-uh-lot-uh ). This guy here says he wants to come to America. Maybe some day he can.

Daydreaming... I was daydreaming earlier today...about not being seperated from my wife. Actually about her being here with me. I imagine her living in the hootch with me, and giving me a kiss as I head out the door. She always reminds me of things when I leave in the morning, whether it is something about an errand, or something we need to do together. I imagine her saying to me... "Babe, if you patrol today, make sure and put in your Side SAPI plates, I know they're uncomfortable but it makes me feel better when you wear them. Hey! Also you need to put some fresh batteries in your night vision goggles." Then she would hand me my coffee tumbler and give me a kiss before I headed out the door. I thought about it so much I decided to photoshop her into my day. Check it out....Photoshop...hee hee.

Veteran's Day: I am feeling so conflicted.... This veteran's day, I am going to ask for the same thing that I asked for last year. Just a little bit of unity among the American People. Just a moment to reflect upon our military, and the great things that the military has accomplished over the years. Today is the birthday of the United States Marine Corps, and there are celebrations and memorials going on all over the country. Today I understand that a Marine Lance Corporal has been posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. That is truly a momentous day....a day for all of us to reflect, and perhaps Veteran's Day is further given it's just due because our military is currently deployed in all corners of the world. I read today that Al Quaeda is saying that their "mission" is going much better than they anticipated, and that they were "mobilizing" 12,000 members for more evil doing. They also called President Bush the "Most stup...

Home is where the heart is..... Somehow the realization that I am going to be away from home for an extended amount of time is just now hitting me. I am used to the long hours at this point, but every time I talk to my wife and kids or any other members of my family on the phone, I end up wanting "more". The fact that I am roughly 6700 miles away from home is kind of staggering. There are so many things that I want to do back at home, but none are possible now. The mission is going well...nobody hurt thus far, but still I would give anything for my normal life.

I went to Mass today.... I went to mass today in a small building that sits upon a Peninsula out on blue-green water in a lake in part of Saddam Hussein's old palace complex. Quite a mouthful, yet the sight that I saw was breathtaking. the entire back wall of the building has a huge glass where you can see the water. The sun was hitting on the water and it was one of the most beautiful scenes that I can remember for a long time. The homily was about how we should not promote ourselves above others. We should not step into the spotlight solely for the purpose of self-promotion or self-gain. I took this to heart, and I prayed about that....as well as prayed for the health, benefit, and welfare of my family. Luckily today was a calm day today. It is a strong contrast to how things have been for the past week. Church really made me feel a lot better today. God made me feel better today. God knows I needed him today. He offered himself to me yesterday in the form of my daughter writing...

Finally Here.... Well, I am finally here at my post. Not quite moved into my hootch where I will spend the next year, but I am at my post nonetheless. The facilities available are much nicer than what I was expecting, but they are not a consolation to the fact that I will not see my wife and kids for at least another five or six months. As soon as I get a camera I am going to post the pictures of my area that I am allowed to post. I heard a couple of mortar rounds impact nearby last night, and I heard sporadic small arms fire....kind of a sobering welcome to the new area. I guess they don't call it Slayer for nothing.

More bad news... Well, at this point I found out that I will be in this place longer than what I expected before I head to my assigned post up North.. The moral level of those of us who have yet to muster is beginning to dip low. There is only so much chow you can eat, DVD's you can watch, and weights you can lift before you become painfully aware of the cyclical monotony that you are trapped in. On top of that, a Junior Enlisted Soldier took it upon himself to adjust the air system in our tent and completely messed it up. I was awakened from a nap today by the sound of an NCO berating him. Aside from the loud voice that he used, there was an avalanche of profane invectives being heaped upon him as well. As I emerged from my nap, I realized that there was a sticky sheen of perspiration over my entire body. I was so hot and sweaty that my socks were moist despite the fact that I had removed my combat boots before I lay down. Most of the chew out session was over when I came ...

Smoked, Ripped and Chewed... In the military when a person is harshly scolded, or reprimanded they call it getting chewed out, or "getting their ass ripped". The final level of this stern evaluation is getting "smoked". Generally that happens to Junior Enlisted at the hands of an angry NCO. This includes pushups, situps, or some other exercise that makes the person NEVER want to run afoul of whoever is in charge of them at that particular time. Despite being an Officer, yours truly, Dkelsmith got (verbally)Smoked, and literally ripped and chewed....its been a long time since that has happened to me, but I think I welcomed the reality check. It went like this. I was making the long trudge from one side of this crappy Camp to the other in order to hit the chow hall before I went to the MWR. There was a group of 5 Junior Enlisted slightly to my left standing in a circle smoking. As I walked past one of them said, "Hey, what's up LT". I just said "Hey...

My strength and my weakness... The following Video is one that I shot right before I left MCS. It was supposed to be light-hearted, but something happened in the middle of it. So much for living up to the stereotypical hard-as-nails Soldier. But, then again, what kind of a person would not be emotional about leaving his family. Especially a family like mine. I suppose that some may wonder what the title of my post means. When I say my Strength and my Weakness, I am specifically referring to my family. Everything that I am, everything that I aspire to be, and everything that I will ever be flows from them. I wake up in the morning with my family being my purpose for being. All of my motivation, all of my pride, all of the perseverance I can ever muster is about them. They are my strength...however, at a time like this when I don't know when I will see them again I also realize that they are my biggest weakness. Without them I don't feel complete...I realize that I am n...

I'm Okay.... I just wanted everyone to know that I am doing okay. I am in an undisclosed location now, but I am doing well. I have limited internet access, but when I do get some I am going to post a video I shot before I left MCS Shelby. Take care everyone. Dkelsmith Last Beer before shipping.... We're not in Kansas anymore/it sucks here.....

So long, USA..... Just a few more hours stateside....then I will be flying out. The suck Factor at MOB Center Shelby is not so bad anymore. :-) Funny how that works....suck is all relative I suppose. I am going to try and leave a voice post on here before I leave. Take care USA!

Block Leave....... "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The above passage is a quote from Marianne Williamson who is an acclaimed lecturer and author. The passage is particularly poignant to me in regard to how I am feeling about the next missi...

REPOST FROM 2 YEARS AGO. I feel the same way now as I did then.... Two years and counting... Today is September 11th, 2003. Most of us realize that this is the second anniversary of those horrific attacks that killed approximately 3,000 American citizens in New York, D.C., and Pennsylvania. Since that time, American Forces have swept across the Middle East, toppling tyrannical regimes and attempting to bring peace and order to the region. "The War on Terror". That seems to be the catch phrase that everyone uses to describe what many believe is protection against radical islamic extremists. However, we are not winning the war, not on terror at least. Yes, we did beat the Taliban, we crushed Saddam's best troops, and we have begun to round up lunatic after lunatic. However, we are still terrified. So much so that we question the sincerity of our government's efforts. We are terrified about money, terrified about how thin our Army is being stretched. We fear that today t...

ARTEP..... We are in the process of completing our ARTEP at Camp Shelby. This is the last thing that we have do to do before we are validated for our deployment to Iraq. I will be home on block leave for 10 days to see my wife and kids very soon. I can't wait until Wednesday. But, one thing that bothers me is the fact that I will have to say goodbye to them....again. I was only 19 during my last combat tour, and I had no wife, no kids, and no worries....besides my own that is. I look back on my military career, and I am content with what I have done over the course of my life, but I am cognizant of the stresses that this lifestyle has put on my wife, my kids, my marriage, and my family. Tomorrow will be five years to the day that all of this God-awful mess started. No matter what the cause for what put on this road, the point remains that there is no end in sight. I look at my OCS class, and we have people in almost every corner of the world. Oh well, why dwell on the dark ...