Sunday, February 22, 2009

Reinvention......

I am unhappy.

re-in-vent–verb (used with object) to invent again or anew, esp. without knowing that the invention already exists.

I have thinking lately that I need to reinvent myself. I have lost a lot of the drive and motivation that I used to have to do a lot of things. I feel a lot of facets of my life that are oh-so-important, almost feel as if they are becoming stagnant. The infrequent number of times that I have upated this blog in the last two years is a testament to that. Perhaps I don't need to reinvent myself, I suppose that perhaps I ought to rediscover myself. I haven't been ME for quite some time I fear. It didn't start on my last deployment, it started somewhere else, I think it was the fact that I felt I needed to be somewhere at a certain time due to my age/experience/status/rank.

I think that the key to my unhappiness has been the persistent quest to BE HAPPY. I have all of the things that I need to be happy, and perhaps that is enough. Perhaps they need not work in concert for me to be happy. I am approaching middle age. (This is an odd statement, I don't know how long I will live, so how do I know I am not waaaay past middle age.) I used to stay up to obscene hours of the night writing, watching movies, and reading. I used to ENJOY going to work, even when I didn't think what I was feeling was enjoyment. In a way, I think that I am unhappy because I reinvented myself once already and I am not happy with the result. I have been following a path that was blazed for me in a lot of ways, and I don't have any regret for what I have accomplished, however, I am not sure that this is my way in life.

More will follow. I promise.....