Monday, December 18, 2000

Well, no call from Valvoline so I can only assume what that means for me....I suppose that I must languish at LRC for another indefinite period of time....oh well. Today is the Health and Welfare Christmas party that we will be having at a co-workers house....I baked some Yams last night as a contribution to the festivities....I still have a good deal of Christmas shopping to do for my family...and I have a few things that I still want to pick up for Renee and the boys. I am so excited about the holidays, I have a great many things that I want to do, and a great many places that I want to go. Moreover I am excited about the prospect of enjoying the holidays with my own "immediate" family. The more decorations that I see going up around the house the better that I feel about each and every coming day before Christmas. My posting in this weblog is sporadic to say the least, so if I don't post anything else in here have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 07, 2000

Wow, today is something else. I just got out of an insufferably long staff meeting, and I still have a large pile of workthat I planned to have finished by the end of the day. Well, it looks as if I am SOL in that department. I have my interview with Valvoline tomorrow that I am looking forward to with a great deal of excitement. Sounds good to me....Competitive salary and benefits package, expense account, company car, cell phone, lap top, and a relocation package? I could definitely use a change like that in my life....shoot.....The money would be a blessing, and all of the perks....Wowee! I would be moving on up to the east side like George Jefferson! I am so excited about this chance at a new start in life. I think that it would be good, if I get the job, and relocation seems to be a certainty, I would push for an assignment that was at least in a contiguous state. The job also had an incentive and bonus package that allows you to earn bonuses up to 35% of your base salary. Can you say, "Incentive to sell?" Well, I am heading home now....wish me luck!

Peace...

P.S. I love Renee.

Thursday, November 30, 2000

Well, November 30th 2000....yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday....wow...29 years old, it doesn't seem even remotely possible that I am this close to thirty years of age. I had a great birthday....I came into work about 10 "something". Received cake, icecream and a gift from my co-workers. My sister, Renee, and one of her friends named Michelle took me to O'Charley's and treated me to lunch, I had one of my favority O'Charley's meals....vegtetable steamer..."MMMMMMMMMMMSo good!".....After work Renee and I lounged around the house and talked and watched Judge Judy put the screws into several defendants, and headed out the door for Dev's basketball practice at the Y. After that we went up to KSU and watched my Alma Mater beat Morehouse in an overtime defeat. We went home got the boys off to bed, and passed out watching Liar Liar with Jim Carrey. Uneventful birthday? If that is what it is called so be it. To me it was almost picture perfect.

Tuesday, November 28, 2000

Man, I feel good...a little down in the dumps about the news I heard last night, but I am still excited about the future...more to come later.

Wednesday, November 22, 2000

November 22nd, 2000.....My mother was born 66 years ago today. Wow....I never thought that the age of 66 could seem so young to me! Maybe it is just because I am getting older...I am not going to be able to come home, but I am going to call her and wish her a happy birthday, I am going to see her tomorrow so that is when I am going to give her a gift and a card. This will also be the first Thanksgiving that Renee and I will spend together. Last year we went to out seperate homes, but we are making a concerted effort to be at one another's house for this special day, we are still working out the details for Christmas time. Wow...mom was born in 1934, and dad in 1933...it seems inconceivable at times. They were born in an entirely different world. A world where poor black folks from the South had little chance of making it out of their respective rural communities, but yet, they did. I wonder how well I would have fared had I been born with so many things stacked against me. Mom and Dad were able to stay together and maintain their marriage for over 46 years...raise 3 children, see all of them graduate from college and go on to be self-sufficient. *sigh* In this day and time they are the exception to the rule in my book. I just called mom a minute ago, but she was not home...she always likes to go to the mall to walk for exercise in the morning. Hmmm...I wish I could be that motivated. Well, more later.

Thursday, November 16, 2000

Well, it has been quite some time since I have posted something to my weblog, but I have been much more diligent in regard to making notes in my journal book. Things have been going spectacularly well for Renee and I, and the monetary considerations in regard to our wedding don't seem to be quite as insurmountable. I have decided to not go back in to the active military, but I am considering becoming a National Guard Officer. I do want to have some way to fulfill my dreams of being a military officer even if it is on such a part time basis. *sigh* This was a difficult decision for me because I am never going to have the chance to be an active military officer now because of my age. 28 almost 29 is very young in the grand scheme of things, but nevertheless I am beginning to feel my age in a great many ways. I am working part time at Elder-Beerman, and hopefully that will allow me to put more money away for our upcoming wedding date...August 4th...so far, but yet so close. Things are going well with my family and with most of my friends. I suppose that money could be better, but I don't think I will ever believe that I am making as much as what I deserve...LOL! But, nevertheless I am happy at a degree that I never thought possible. I do have an interview with Valvoline, and I suppose that the allure of more money has me on such a high cloud, but I am thinking about longevity, and the opportunity to further my education. All in all things are quite well for me and my family. More to come later.

Wednesday, November 01, 2000

All men who are indeed men second guess themselves and analyze their position in life. I have been doing this more and more as of late. I have seriously considered going back into the military as a permanent career, but I have a great many things to consider now that I never even thought of before. There is the situation with my family, Renee's family, the boys, my financial situation, moving to another state, and the possibility that I could be seperated from Renee, Devon, and Robbie for an extended amount of time. I have thought and thought about all of the pros and cons of the situation and I am leaning toward turning from the military and exploring as many options as I can locally. I have thought about the significant impact that a move like this will have on Renee and the boys. I am concerned about her familial attachments also, but my main concern and point of approval is Renee. She says that she will stand with me no matter what, but I don't want to put her though anything unnecessary. Honestly at this stage of the game I feel as if maybe my impetus for wanting to do the military thing is the fact that in a short time I will be too old to enter the service. *sigh* Do I really want this, or is it simply the fact that I don't want to wonder what I could have done. I am going to pray on this one and let God lead me toward the proper decision. I can always fulfill my military officer dreams through the National Guard, while it may not have the same impact and all of that it will be an outlet. Right now, I feel as if there is so much I need to do in regard to bettering myself to be the best husband/father I can be to Renee and the boys. My father was so much to me, and still is for that matter, he always had time for me, always was there for me, and was always capable of providing me with whatever I needed...financially, emotionally, spiritually, all ways. If all men were half the man that my father is, the world would be nearly a perfect place. He is the person that I have tried to emulate for as long as I can remember. I try to compare my accomplishments to date with him, and invariably I do have a feeling of "coming up short". Oh well, I will keep trying...I love the Lord and all of the blessings that he has bestowed upon me. I know I just need to leave this in his hands......pray for me.

Monday, October 23, 2000

I have been sitting here this morning staring intently at my computer screen wondering where to begin as to describe my weekend. More than busy, I don't believe that we ever stopped rushing back and forth. On Friday night Renee and I stayed the night in Lexington and went to "Third Fridays" which is our own Kentucky Rural interpretation of First Fridays that so many young black professionals in larger cities enjoy. While the ambience was not that of an upscale nightclub in Manhattan, the people were a lot more refreshing to be around. I can honestly say that I did not spot one "Gold Tooth" in the joint. The function was hosted by the Heritage Council, and they plan to continue on as long as their is an interest. Hopefully the novelty of this event will not eventually wear off, because there are precious few "positive" places for young African-Americans to congregate in Lexington. I saw a lot of business cards as well as phone numbers being exchanged, and I think that this could indeed be a great networking tool. We woke up fairly early on Saturday morning and drove Aunt Fran back to Dayton, once we got home we did precious little in regard to working, we rented Toy Story 2 for the boys, and the Hurricane for ourselves although we didn't watch it. We spent the remainder of the evening sipping a little bit, and chattering. Sunday morning we woke up with noble intentions of attending mass, but morning turned to afternoon, and we were yet to have gotten out of bed.....*sigh*...its like that sometimes I suppose. Devon had a football game at 2:30 that I coached, and we ended up winning after 4 overtimes! Dev was so excited, he hurried the opposing quarterback twice, had an interception, and broke up 3 passes. Hopefully "little Deion" won't forget about me when he goes to the league! ha ha ha ha ha ha Sunday night Renee got off work, and I have to tell you once again we accomplished absolutely nothing. After the boys were bathed and in bed, we sat at the kitchen table and finished off the last of the chianti and called it a night. More to come this afternoon.

Thursday, October 19, 2000

Today started out as terrible as terrible could be. I had so many things to do, bills to pay, work to do, things to worry about. I dreaded this day, because I knew it would be as long as all "get out". I worked through the first part of the day, and it seemed liek it would never end. I looked up from my computer and it was nearly time to eat. Well, I went home at lunch time, and I was in somewhat of a grumpy mood still. I came in made a sandwich, and watched one of those terrible episodes of Riki Lake....I knew my baby was out with her Auntie, and I really wished that I had someone to talk to. I finished gulping down my sandwich and walked into the kitchen...I looked at the clock and sighed as I dreaded finishing up the last half of the day. Then I spotted a card on top of the telephone. On the outside of the envelope it simply said, "Kel" The outside of the card said:

I love it
when i tell you
how my day was
and you listen
and laugh
at the funny parts
and get mad
at the mad parts
and you listen.
it may not sound like
a big deal,
but it really is....
...because you listen
and you care.


At the end of the card Renee had written:

And for that, I am ever grateful. Thank you for all that you are to me and the boys.

Lovin' you forever,

Renee


And somehow, the day just seemed like it has flown by since then......................
There is not always an explanation for everything.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

Well, today is the day that I have to take care of the business of telling Sgt Meadows that I am not going to go back into the service. I hope that I did not waste too much of the man's time. But, the other offerings and opportunities that lay before me are much too promising. I can feel myself tingle with excitement just trying to imagine what the future may hold for me. I had a good morning thus far, and I sent Renee a note that I was particularly proud of....it came out of me with little or no effort, and here is what I had to say.

Renee...I love you, I cherish you, I think about you all the time, and I will uplift you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, as long as I live. Marriage will not be a new phase of my feelings for you, rather it will just be a new definition of the terms by which I have devoted my life to you and your beautiful sons. You are my sunrise, and you are the Alpha and Omega of every day of my life.


Well, I am thinking about all of the options, and I think that pharmaceuticl sales will be the proper mix of field work and desk work that will keep me from going completely insane. The idea of sitting behind this desk for another 25 to 30 years and developing a drop gut and cynical attitude about politics scares me half to death. Oh well, we shall see what the future holds, and I am wondering what I will be doing this time next year. Well, the cards will reveal themselves to me soon enough.

Tuesday, October 17, 2000

On a side note, thanks to all of the people that emailed me about my poetry submissions on lovingyou.com I will find out whether I am a winner or not in a day or so....wish me luck!
One would think that Springtime would be the time that love blossoms and romance is in the air. It makes perfect sense, the snow is melting, the forest wakes up, and love abounds. People think of Springtime and they think of the birds and the bees and lovers strolling through the park. I think that Springtime is lovely...aside from the nagging hayfever that plagues me. But Autumn is what makes me think of love. Autumn, not Fall, because Fall only describes what happens to the leaves. That is what we think about, the leaves turn brown and fall off the trees, and we assume that this is where our year is ending, or dying if you prefer. I disagree....this is merely the preparation for a long sleep before waking refreshed. Which is more comforting, to wake up on a bright morning full of vigor, or to lay one's tired body down, curl up in a blanket, and smile as you drift asleep....knowing that now is the time to rest that tired soul, and dream of all of the important things that are cast aside during a busy day. That extra "I love you" as you leave the house, children's laughter, a phone call to that friend that you have not talked to in ages, and making love to the person that has captured your heart. Autumn makes me think of new love...... Truly it does.....I love the deep, rich browns, yellows, golds, and fading green that adorn the trees. I love the smell of the crisp morning air. I love the cloudless windy days that scatter leaves here and there. I love watching the sun go down and become replaced by a rich harvest moon. I imagine myself sitting in a restaurant sipping Merlot, staring at my lovely Renee as she tells me about her plans for the future. I bristle with excitement as each new detail brings an even bigger smile to her sweet lips. I think of all of the wondrous years that lay before us when we become man and wife. I think of being fatherly, and I have to smile to myself. I'm sure she will ask me what I am thinking, and naturally I will say, "Oh nothing." But she will only smile because she knows...she always knows...no matter what events befall us, no matter what busy schedules keep us apart, and no matter what tasks challenge my every attention. She knows that I am easily distracted. No matter what I am doing, I am consumed by the dizzying array of experiences, hopes, and dreams that we have shared, and will share with one another. I think about all that lies before us, and the tasks don't seem to be insurmountable. She know that I am thinking of us walking hand in hand, walking down the aisle and beyond. Possibilities will always become reality as long as we fiercely cling to one another. She knows that I am thinking that nothing shall come between me and my destiny......

It comes as gentle as a summer rain.
It wraps me up in content.
It clouds my vision with blissful dreams
of how our lives together were meant.

It is the color of tropical shores.
It smells of vanilla and spice.
It makes my body tremble uncontrollably
& my tears show I have paid the price.

It is that place between luck and chance.
It is the fine line between pleasure and pain.
It is the feeling between like & love,
and a long kiss in the autumn rain.


excerpts from a poem written by me!


Perhaps I shouldn't ignore her and tell her "nothing", just because I think that she knows my thoughts so well. Maybe I will look up at her and say, "I am thinking that I will never think of anyone else besides you and it made me smile...I love you."

Monday, October 16, 2000

Well, Homecoming weekend is finally over, but it was such fun! Renee and I saw so many people that we went to school with. Everyone seems to be doing so well. Happily enough the weekend came and went without any major incidents.....All of our guests were well fed, and well taken care of, so that went well. I enjoyed spending much of my Homecoming weekend with my baby. All of the bruhs were like, "Where have you been Kel?" I tell you it is not the fact that I don't like hanging out with my friends and Frat Brothers, and it isn't as if I don't feel the same about them, but I just no longer have the urge to hang out with a "group". I really like doing things with Renee and her boys. I always experience a myriad of emotions when we spend time together. Things just seem so simple...I tell you, it is her...truly her that made me have a positive outlook on life once again. All day Sunday we were on the road...to Dayton and back, and to Louisville and back, and I just thought about "us" the entire time...I am really looking forward to the 4th of August....I really do....I love her so much that I don't believe that there are any words or actions that can appropriately describe my emotions for her. While we were at the game, I couldn't help but to keep staring at those lovely hands of hers and the ring that I placed upon them. The Lord truly blessed me with her, that is undeniable...I have a lot of fear and apprehension about financial matters, and other things that may come up, but I have no fear about the longevity of our union. I know one thing....A. Renee Daniel is forever.

Wednesday, October 11, 2000

Well, today was not a typical morning, I arrived at work almost 30 minutes late because I tried to lay in bed until the last possible moment. Renee and I got a lot done last night in regard to preparing for our Homecoming Social for this weekend. I cleaned out that impossibly cluttered closet and cleaned the carpet, Renee did a yeoman's job of cleaning up the kitchen, and cleaning out the refirgerator and sorting through winter and summer clothes. Slowly but surely everything will be done, I still have a great deal to do in regards to the social...my OCS paperwork, work projects, and some other things. Oh well, we will see how things go. Wish me luck..or wish us luck rather!

Tuesday, October 10, 2000

Trying to test a few things to make sure that everything is working right in this weblog.
Well, this is the first day of my brand new weblog, and I am trying to see how everything will work. I am excited about the new "job" prospect that is before me, but i do have quite a bit of nervousness as to how it will affect Renee and the boys. I am thinking about the long run 100%. I suppose this is the most clear I have thought in a good long time.