Friday, August 29, 2003

Is it ever enough?

We often ask ourselves and others the question. "Is it ever enough?" This is very poignant. Do we ever do enough? Do we ever do enough for others? Are our expectations ever met? Do we meet others expectations? I suppose it is all relative, both in situation and in perspective. I wonder will it ever be enough, I wonder that on a daily basis. Will my expectations ever be met? Are they too high? Are the demands that I place upon those that are close to me too much? Perhaps, but hell....who knows? Do I do my part? Of course everyone always feels as if they do their part, but really? Aren't self-evaluations the most deluded and skewed?

Over the past few weeks, a number of things have happened that are of some merit. I was commissioned as an Officer in the United States Army National Guard. My daughter turned a year old. I started back working on my Master's degree. I started working on a Management Trainee Program, and there may be a new job prospect on the horizon. Ordinarily, I would be ready to drool on myself with glee, but I still wonder, "Is this going to be enough?" I wonder about happiness, and I wonder if I am happy enough. I wonder about my family's happiness, and I wonder if they are happy enough. *sigh* I suppose I need to change that Imode link that boasts of my unhappiness for the last 4 months. I actually haven't been quite that melancholy, but I have been quite lazy.

All in all, I suppose that this is life, and this is the way that it was supposed to be lived. But I had hoped for so much more for myself. And, believe it or not, this hope was not for myself, but for what I would be able to offer. But, unfortunately what I have to offer never seems to be enough....at least for me. And it is hard to see beyond that.

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