What a dream...
I'm not one of those people that believe in premonitions, tarot cards, or silly superstitions. The reason being, is that I have faith in God, and I have easily been able to recognize what he has shown me versus what has been on my mind and come forth in dreams. I had a funny dream last night that I had to get up and write about.
I was walking in a huge file of Soldiers toward a group of UH-60's (Black Hawk Helicopters) with the blades turning. We would fill them up, and once one had about 7 or 8 Soldiers in it, it would take off vertically, (which you never really see except on the movies). A panic quickly seized me, I didn't want to get on, but it was too late to turn back. I tossed my ruck up to the Crew Chief and slung my weapon across my back as I boarded. He shouted over the engine and blade noise and said, "We're fitted for cargo, all the seats have been yanked, hope you don't mind, but it'll be a quick trip." I just shrugged and got on. More Soldiers boarded and I had people pressing on the left and right of me. I scooted toward the door and put the butt stock of my rifle on the floor between my knees.
All of a sudden, someone said, "What the hell is she doing?" I looked up and Renee was walking toward the helicopter, she had on a linen dress that was blowing, but for some reason her hair was not. She walks right up to the bird and is smiling, she is standing with her chin slightly up. (I thought this was strange, because even though rotor blades are like14 feet above the deck, everyone kind of hunches as they walk.)
She comes to the door, and I reach for her. She takes my hand, and for some reason I can feel how soft her skin is even though I have on Nomex gloves. She says, "I just had to tell you goodbye again." I felt like crying, but didn't want to, I felt tears coming so I pulled her close, leaned out, and hugged her with my face buried into the side of her neck. She returned the hug for a while and then went to pull away. "She said, "Let go baby." I felt more tears running that I didn't want anyone to see, so I said, "I can't." She said, "You have to...you have a lot of things to do, you need to go. We'll be alright."
I said, "I know but I just can't let you go right now." She pushed gently on my chest and said, "Kel..." I pulled her tightly and all of a sudden I heard her say, "Kelly, what's wrong?" I woke up and realized that she and I were in bed, and I was holding her from the back, but I was squeezing her into me, I let go at once and said, "Sorry, dreaming." I felt my face and there were no tears there. But a few came.....
Renee drifted back off to sleep almost immediately, it was at 3:13 this morning. I spoke out loud and said, "Renee, I don't want to leave you." She said, "hmmmmm?" I said again to her, "I don't want to leave."
She smiled and rolled over so she was facing me, put her head and hand on my chest. She sat there for a minute and kissed my cheek. She said, "I know you don't baby, I know you'd stay if you could." She drifted off again. But I didn't. I just listened to her breathe in and out, and I just enjoyed the feeling of her body being close to mine, the softness of the skin on her back, and the way her hair smells. It was almost as if I had never noticed it before. Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't, I can't imagine going 16 months without her, and that made me take note of the little things all the more.