Thursday, June 08, 2006

Abasement...

I wish I could say that I have been having horrible dreams, or that there was a deep foreboding about my upcoming deployment, but there is not. On the contrary, all of the things that trouble me are here. I just have a feeling that perhaps things are not as complete as they need to be. I have been working on continutity books and the hand off of many of my duties. I worry about the people that i am in command over, as I have no idea who my replacement will be. I have those same worries that a parent has when his kid is changing schools.

Possibly there is such the feeling that nobody can do what I do, like I do it, and then again perhaps this is the way of me coming to grips with the fact that I am leaving. Perhaps I am clinging to everything here as if I am holding on for my very life. I brought a box into the office to clean out my desk about two weeks ago. During that span of time I have been unable to do much more than place a few pictures and coffee mugs into it.

As much as things at the job have been getting on my nerves as of late, I am passing each day with dread knowing that there are scant few before I am no longer assigned there. I cannot look at the bright side of a new unit, new men, new command, and new adventures without constatnly worrying about allof my interests that I have behind. I am frightened by the fact that my feeling of not going is the feeling of actually being inadequate in some measure. *sigh* This must seem like a tiresome ramble...as I reread it, it even appears cryptic to me.


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