Thursday, June 22, 2006

What do I fear?

I have spent the last 10 days on leave enjoying the fact that I really didn't have to do a thing. Over and over, people have asked me what I felt about the mission that I am about to embark upon. Aside from not wanting to be away from my wife and children for an extended amount of time, I am somewhat ambivalent about the mission. This isn't my first one, and more than likely it will not be my last one. I do have to say that I was troubled by the guys from the 101st that were captured...the idea of being tortured is indeed frightening. I am not sure of the scope of the "desecration" that the reports indicated, but aside from the pain and the fear, I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of being alone was probably the most difficult thing. I could not imagine being in that situation...facing my own death at the hands of some torturing lunatic.

I would not want my family to know that I had suffered like that. I wouldn't want them to imagine my last moments on earth being so full of terror and pain. I felt for the family of one of the Soldier's who spoke to the news. I consider myself to be a level-headed and thoughtful individual, but I echo the sentiment of one of the family members that said we should, "make them pay".

I tucked my daughter into bed tonight, and I thought about all of the things that are going on in this world that she is pretty much oblivous to. I hope that we can fix this place so that all of the other 3 year olds out there will not inherit this mess.

I thought about my sons, who are 12 and 8 years old. In 6 years, Devon will be eligible to enter the military. Robbie will be ready in 10, what sort of things will be demanded of them if they decide to take on my occupation. I watched them in the kitchen, (this was their dish night tonight), and I thought to myself, could I watch them head out toward a dangerous part of the world?

I want to get over there, and do my little part to tie up all of the loose ends in this god awful mess. I want to get over there, do my job, and get back....home.

1 comment:

vicki said...

..and I'll be praying for you, dear man.