Skip to main content
What do I fear?

I have spent the last 10 days on leave enjoying the fact that I really didn't have to do a thing. Over and over, people have asked me what I felt about the mission that I am about to embark upon. Aside from not wanting to be away from my wife and children for an extended amount of time, I am somewhat ambivalent about the mission. This isn't my first one, and more than likely it will not be my last one. I do have to say that I was troubled by the guys from the 101st that were captured...the idea of being tortured is indeed frightening. I am not sure of the scope of the "desecration" that the reports indicated, but aside from the pain and the fear, I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of being alone was probably the most difficult thing. I could not imagine being in that situation...facing my own death at the hands of some torturing lunatic.

I would not want my family to know that I had suffered like that. I wouldn't want them to imagine my last moments on earth being so full of terror and pain. I felt for the family of one of the Soldier's who spoke to the news. I consider myself to be a level-headed and thoughtful individual, but I echo the sentiment of one of the family members that said we should, "make them pay".

I tucked my daughter into bed tonight, and I thought about all of the things that are going on in this world that she is pretty much oblivous to. I hope that we can fix this place so that all of the other 3 year olds out there will not inherit this mess.

















I thought about my sons, who are 12 and 8 years old. In 6 years, Devon will be eligible to enter the military. Robbie will be ready in 10, what sort of things will be demanded of them if they decide to take on my occupation. I watched them in the kitchen, (this was their dish night tonight), and I thought to myself, could I watch them head out toward a dangerous part of the world?




I want to get over there, and do my little part to tie up all of the loose ends in this god awful mess. I want to get over there, do my job, and get back....home.

Comments

Anonymous said…
..and I'll be praying for you, dear man.

Popular posts from this blog

Being an Officer...a Black one.....is sometimes hard. [Howard Rollins from "A Soldier's Story"] Sometimes being an Officer is difficult....not because of hard tasks, short timelines, or all of the worries involved in the care of your Soldier's, but the aura of professionalism and objectivity that you must display at all times. There have been many times that I have wanted to make a comment, yell, cuss at someone, or otherwise let my personal feelings be known about a subject, but unfortunately I could not because of my position. Let me tell you about two incidents that bothered me in particular. I was in Dallas Ft. Worth airport waiting to catch a flight on the last leg of my TDY trip to help a returning unit at Ft. Sill. As I went to my gate, I saw 4 Sailors in their black uniforms gathered at the gate...one was large and white, the other three were black. There was very little room, and many of them were standing intermingled with civilian airline passengers...
One day and one half... I just woke up in my hotel room after a night of fun and good times with my wife at 4th Street Live. I glanced out the window, and realized that I was facing the sullen reality that I have today and tomorrow on leave, and that Tuesday means the end of my contact with my family for a great while. I have approached this time on leave with the solid intent of not concentrating on how much time I had left, but rather the quality of the time that I was using. Somehow, it just didn't work like I thought that it would. I have noted that these past two weeks have flown by, much quicker than any other two weeks that I have experienced in my life. If deployment were to go like this, the time wouldn't seem so unbearable. But, nonetheless I suppose that I need to get myself prepared for the inevitable. The reality is that my oldest son Devon who just finished the seventh grade will be starting his Freshman year of High School once I get back. Robbie who just ...
Sometimes I wish I were back..... Back in what is familiar. The sights, the sounds, the stench, the heat, the utter drudgery of Southwest Baghdad. Now that I have been back for over six months I wish that I could go back. I wish I could go back and do it all over. Because maybe if I did something different over there, things would okay over here.....