Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

So long, USA..... Just a few more hours stateside....then I will be flying out. The suck Factor at MOB Center Shelby is not so bad anymore. :-) Funny how that works....suck is all relative I suppose. I am going to try and leave a voice post on here before I leave. Take care USA!

Block Leave....... "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The above passage is a quote from Marianne Williamson who is an acclaimed lecturer and author. The passage is particularly poignant to me in regard to how I am feeling about the next missi...

REPOST FROM 2 YEARS AGO. I feel the same way now as I did then.... Two years and counting... Today is September 11th, 2003. Most of us realize that this is the second anniversary of those horrific attacks that killed approximately 3,000 American citizens in New York, D.C., and Pennsylvania. Since that time, American Forces have swept across the Middle East, toppling tyrannical regimes and attempting to bring peace and order to the region. "The War on Terror". That seems to be the catch phrase that everyone uses to describe what many believe is protection against radical islamic extremists. However, we are not winning the war, not on terror at least. Yes, we did beat the Taliban, we crushed Saddam's best troops, and we have begun to round up lunatic after lunatic. However, we are still terrified. So much so that we question the sincerity of our government's efforts. We are terrified about money, terrified about how thin our Army is being stretched. We fear that today t...

ARTEP..... We are in the process of completing our ARTEP at Camp Shelby. This is the last thing that we have do to do before we are validated for our deployment to Iraq. I will be home on block leave for 10 days to see my wife and kids very soon. I can't wait until Wednesday. But, one thing that bothers me is the fact that I will have to say goodbye to them....again. I was only 19 during my last combat tour, and I had no wife, no kids, and no worries....besides my own that is. I look back on my military career, and I am content with what I have done over the course of my life, but I am cognizant of the stresses that this lifestyle has put on my wife, my kids, my marriage, and my family. Tomorrow will be five years to the day that all of this God-awful mess started. No matter what the cause for what put on this road, the point remains that there is no end in sight. I look at my OCS class, and we have people in almost every corner of the world. Oh well, why dwell on the dark ...

Ft. Hood, Texas. I will be going to Ft. Hood Texas tomorrow on TDY for some additional training before I go to Iraq. I am looking forward to getting the hell out of Camp Shelby for a little while. The VOQ( Visiting Officer Quarters) are filled up, so I will be staying in Killeen. It will be nice to sleep in a nice bed with with clean sheets, central air, and running water in the room. I will only be there for three days, but that is okay, it will be enough of a break for me. I have roughly twenty-four more days here before we get validated and I can go home on leave to see my family for the last time. I am looking forward to those nine days so I can reconnect with my wife and kids. I will also like the idea of not having a task to perform. I have not had a day off work since the 5th of July, and I am feeling the strain. More than the workload, the heat, and the ever-changing demands, the not knowing what is going to come next is the hardest part about this training. There are ...

Happy Birthday Alexandra!! My daughter Alexandra is turning four today. Unfortunately I cannot be there, just like I wasn't there when she turned three, or when she turned two. Fortunately I was there the day she was born, and on her first birthday. The Army has me missing out on a lot of things. I missed my wife's birthday this year, and I will miss it the next. I will miss Alexandra's fifth birthday, I will miss Devon and Robbie's birthdays this year. But, no matter what, the fact that I am thinking about them, and they are thinking of me will make it much easier.

Missing you..... Renee, I miss you so much, and I hate it when we argue. I am sorry for everything I did to keep the arguing going. Being without you and the kids is not easy. But, I know that you being there with the kids by yourself is very difficult, and perhaps I don't tell you that enough. I love you with all of my heart, and no matter what that will never change.

Resolute Drudgery..... Today is the first day of August, I have been with the Infantry battalion since the 27th of June, and I have been at Camp Shelby since the 5th of July. I think they make the train up site for deployment suck as much as possible so we will be ready to get to Baghdad. I actually went on a predeployment site survey to Iraq for a few days, and I can tell you that I actually enjoyed it. It was hot as hell, but it was quite a lot better than being in Mississippi. I was going to post a bunch of pictures of my trip to Iraq, but I am getting pressure from CPT Arthur who is pressuring me to let him get online to check his email. So, here is one picture. More to come later.

Say for instance... You are in a profession where excessive bouts of emotion are frowned upon, where crying is considered tantatmount to self-emasculation. After many years, you don't acknowledge cold, hunger, fear, or heat. You actually wish your fellow man the best, all the time cursing him for the posh and pampered lifestyle he lives....you are not weak, and you will not cry under any circumstance.....that is of course until you get a pass before you go out for unit validation, and your second grader has written you this note.....

The Thought Police: a necessary function for our safety? Please take a look at this video and tell me what you think. When I saw this, obviously I was shocked, but even more than that, I started trying to frame my thoughts into the context of what I do for a living. Obviously in this country people have a right to express their opinion on everything that goes on. I am happy we don't live in a police state where so many things are censored and forbidden. However, I don't think that we should overlook people like this, the "Miami 7", or any other nutcases out there that are Anti-American. I don't believe that the United States has done everything properly over the years, but I do believe in the inherent "goodness" in America as a whole. So, should we kick the doors in of these people and haul them off to some austere prison complex for creating such a hateful and radical video? Certainly not, but I do think that they should be watched very closely, and...

One day and one half... I just woke up in my hotel room after a night of fun and good times with my wife at 4th Street Live. I glanced out the window, and realized that I was facing the sullen reality that I have today and tomorrow on leave, and that Tuesday means the end of my contact with my family for a great while. I have approached this time on leave with the solid intent of not concentrating on how much time I had left, but rather the quality of the time that I was using. Somehow, it just didn't work like I thought that it would. I have noted that these past two weeks have flown by, much quicker than any other two weeks that I have experienced in my life. If deployment were to go like this, the time wouldn't seem so unbearable. But, nonetheless I suppose that I need to get myself prepared for the inevitable. The reality is that my oldest son Devon who just finished the seventh grade will be starting his Freshman year of High School once I get back. Robbie who just ...

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Happy Birthday Mommie Essie! Today is my Grandmother's birthday. Unfortunately she passed away in November of 2004. She would have been 99. I remember so many things about those trips to visit her in Alabama. I can smell the familiar smells of her house, I never wanted to leave once I got there. Up until a certain age I would always cry when it was time to head back to Kentucky. She made the most delicious poundcake that I have ever tasted. She was so wonderful to me, and to all of our family. I woke up this morning and looked at my watch. When I saw that it was June 24th, I thought to myself. Hmm....today is Mommie Essie's birthday. Kind of sad, but she lived a long and wonderful life. What more could someone ask for?

On point.... I had to share these pictures here. This is my daughter clowning around with one of my sons toy guns. It is a tiny model M-4. Alexandra calls it an "M-Pour". Check out the stance and the finger outside of the trigger guard. Is this a daddy's girl or what? Here is a closer shot....

What do I fear? I have spent the last 10 days on leave enjoying the fact that I really didn't have to do a thing. Over and over, people have asked me what I felt about the mission that I am about to embark upon. Aside from not wanting to be away from my wife and children for an extended amount of time, I am somewhat ambivalent about the mission. This isn't my first one, and more than likely it will not be my last one. I do have to say that I was troubled by the guys from the 101st that were captured...the idea of being tortured is indeed frightening. I am not sure of the scope of the "desecration" that the reports indicated, but aside from the pain and the fear, I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of being alone was probably the most difficult thing. I could not imagine being in that situation...facing my own death at the hands of some torturing lunatic. I would not want my family to know that I had suffered like that. I wouldn't want them to imagine my last mo...

My girls... Just a few pics for no particular reason. The first picture is of Alexandra and Renee working in a coloring book. The second picture is of them standing in the kitchen, (sorry about the mess). The third picture is them on the back deck eating shrimp, (or shwimp as Alexandra pronounces it.)

Happy 231st Birthday to the U.S. Army! Happy Birthday to the greatest military fighting force that the world has ever known. I will be toasting tonight with dinner! I'll post a picture, it is a nice evening so I may have to eat on the deck tonight. Hooah! I am enjoying myself from now until the 27th. I am on Leave! Of course my decadence will be interrupted by having all four of my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. So, I may need to toast three or four times tonight. Hooah!

Jay Leno hosts Ann Coulter tonight.... Jay Leno will be hosting Ann Coulter on the Tonight Show this evening. Along with her will be comedian and raconteur George Carlin. Some people are saying that Jay will probably need referee stripes. I am sure that Carlin will draw first blood, because he is an anti-establishment sort of guy, but Coulter is no slouch. She has a scornfully derisive tone that knows no match on the right. I think she is even more harsh than Savage. Someone is probably going to get owned, but I wouldn't try and lay odds on either one...it will be a toss up tonight.