Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

It's been a month since I have posted anything in this weblog. I do apologize, but enough of all of that already. I have a hot tip for you. DO NOT GO SEE "VANILLA SKY". I don't know what Tom Cruise is going through, but that movie was utterly pathetic. The flashing back and forth and confusing scenes had my head hurting by the 30 minute mark in this movie. It was entirely too long, the plot was stupid, and the use of a character in the very end to try and sort out the confusing drivel was insulting. I suppose it was my fault for not reading a review from a reputable film critic, but the trailers I have seen for it made it seem as if it were a suspense thriller. I had no idea it was a Stanley Kubrick-Clockwork Orange-I didn't get enough LSD in the sixties type affair. Luckily I went to see this piece of garbage at the three dollar movie. All I could think about on the drive home was, "My wife and I get precious little time alone with one another, and...

Well, by the date of this post you can see how attentive I have been to my weblog. Unfortunately my journal at home has much greater cause for protest. I decided to post this message today because everyone else thinks that this should be a special day. Today when I woke up, my twenty-something phase of my life was behind me. November 29th, 1971 to November 29th, 2001, exactly 30 years ago today I was born into this world, and it has been one hell of a ride ever since. I suppose many people, (women for the most part), look at turning 30 with the resolute drudgery that they are OLD, I don't mean older....I mean OLD. I suppose this realization deals with the idea that there are certain dreams, goals, and aspirations that will never come to fruition because you are just too rotten OLD! Well, I suppose that is the case, but I am so happy with my life it really doesn't matter to me. I consider my life to be a journey, and I proceeded on this journey with the realization that...

Everyone falls prey to the stresses and pains of everyday life. Even the simplest of situations can spawn into a bog of trouble and despair. What really adds to this fact is when we inevitably say, "Woe is me; nobody understands me; what did I do to deserve this; why am I being treated this way?" I think the id demands that we soothe ourselves by casting the shadow of blame for our dilemna wholly upon someone else. When more than one person attempts to do this in a certain situation it goes without saying that stress is inevitable. I had a variety of things stressing me yesterday before I went to my RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) class. It felt good to get my mind off of things and talk about the methods and intentions of Christ while he was here on earth. While we did not address any of the issues that were gnawing at the pit of my stomach I somehow felt relieved. I am not sure why, but whether or not I am able to solve all of the problems that bother...

Three possibilities.....People understand you.....People can't understand you......people WON't understand you.......any questions? I have many.

September 11th, 2001 A day that will ALSO live in infamy A prayer for the valiant:......................Many citizens of the United State who enjoy the freedoms and liberties that are only available within our borders are shocked by what they have seen. A little over 10 years ago a 19 year old returned from the Persian Gulf, he had maneuvered with a unit that saw action in Iraq, and helped with the massive cleanup in Kuwait...smoke-filled skies, miles of highway littered with dead bodies, and the simultaneous desperation and joy of a newly liberated people. The Kuwaitis had been robbed, kidnapped, raped, shot, hung, tortured, and exploited by the Iraquis....they knew then what many of us are jus seeing now....Terror. That 19 year old thanked God for allowing him to return home safely to his loved ones, and to a place that he though was free of Terror. A little over 10 years later he types this message out to you with the realization that Terror is everywhere, how it is dealt ...

Okay, a brief synopsis of my life from my last posting to this message.....I am happily married now....unbelievable! The wedding ceremony, though I had my misgivings about the amount of money that we spent, was absolutely beautiful. It made everything well worth the financial stress. I was looking about the church trying to see how many people showed up as they RSVP'ed, and how many "gate-crashers" were there. I saw all of my Groomsmen enter the church, and I had to note how absolutely beautiful my sisters looked upon entering the church. It was really something else....it was just unbelievable. I was looking over at my parents, and some of my friends who were sitting to my left, and I heard Renee's cousin start singing "You and I" by Stevie Wonder. I looked up, and that is when I saw Renee entering the church. To make a long story short I punked out.....LOL! The tears came up so quickly that I couldn't control them. It wasn't that I was ne...

Well, we are down to the single digit days now. The time has still been crawling by for the last three weeks. I am soooooo tired of the right-before-the-wedding details. I just want to hurry up and fast forward to the ceremony and the honeymoon. There seems to be 1001 last minute things that need to be done. Well, something else has come up so I have to finish this post later.

A clock that counts down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until my wedding ceremony begins: This is the image that greets me when I enter the main part of my website. Nevertheless, I have not felt the uneasiness, anxiety, or uncertainty about a day as momentous as this. I am inexplicably calm at the present point, and to be quite frank the only feelings I have are of eagerness to be done with the wedding ceremony and start my new life. I am soooooo tired of people saying, "Well, you only have two or three weeks left, are ya nervous? Ya got cold feet? You aren't having second thoughts are ya?" One of my former co-workers--he is such an ass--emailed me and asked if I was going to go out with a "bang", like he did, at my bachelor party. I told him that it would not be that type of party. Kind of makes me wonder what some people get married for in the first place. I really don't look at the marriage ceremony and gesture as what I am "giving u...

Ho hummmmmmm.....well, I have been mournfully neglectful in keeping my on-line journal, but I have been very responsible about keeping my thoughts annotated in my hardback version. It has been a couple of weeks since I committed anything to my journal, and unfortunately I have some bad news....Renee's grandmother, "Mamoo", passed on the 4th of July. Boy oh boy. Though she is no longer suffering I am going to miss her a great deal. In the two years that Renee and I have been together I have grown quite fond of every member of her family, even Randall whom I have to spar with in some form or fashion every time we see one another. The family is holding together well, but there is a noticeable difference now that the "rock" is gone. Though Mamoo was suffering from dymensia, and her health was failing she still retained every part of the dignity that defined her. Out of everyone in the family I feel the most sympathy for Mr. Paul. He and Mamoo were married f...

Okay, disregard the previous melancholy self-defeated post dated 6/20/01. Everything worked out perfectly and we are on our way. I spent a quiet weekend with Renee, and I felt so energized when I woke up to head to work today. Everything is going well at this point I have just a few weeks before I get married. I have been waiting for this day my entire life. Many people think of a wedding being a woman's day, and to a certain extent it is. It is a day when a woman feels the most beautiful, regal, sophisticated, and enchanting. I suppose that is because of all of the traditional pomp and circumstance that everyone likes to be a part of. But, though I want to bask in the revelry of the day, of the hour, of the moment. I am looking at my life taking a new course. Renee will be the woman that I will share everything with, have children with, laugh with, cry with, get old with, and die with. While the concept it is fascinating and somewhat storybook, it is scary. Not scary i...

Things have been going spectacularly well as of late, but yet there is another hangup. I am not going to lose faith, but I am going to keep looking up to the sky. I am going to keep praying on this one and hopefully things will turn out.......things may not come easy, but things will come.

Well it has been a long time since I wrote anything in this weblog....I attempted to about 3 weeks ago, and actually I wrote a lot, but the server crashed and I was not about to write that much again. Well, things are going amazingly well for me here in lil ole Kentucky. My lady and I are getting married in less than 2 months, she got a new job and a pay raise, the boys are doing well, its summer time, and we have been getting along superbly. How could things get any better? I got a NEW JOB! I was picked to work in the Governor's Office of Technology as a Resource Management Analyst II. What exactly a Resource Management Analyst II does in comparison to a Resource Management Analyst I I don't know.....hell....I don't even know what I am going to be doing. All I know is that I will be making sure that a software program runs smoothly that handles accounts payable and receivable, and keeps up with comp time. I am a little nervous as I have no formal computer training,...

Well, things this weekend went very well....I didn't get all of the rest that I had hoped to, but luckily I did enjoy myself....I did manage about 3 hours of time with just me and Renee. We went to see Chris Rock's "Down to Earth", it wasn't the fun-themed comedy that I expected. It was very funny, but most of the entertainment came from the numerous stand-up comedy scenes that were showcased. Chris Rock is a very talented comedian, but, I think that he ought to look at some of the movie roles that he accepts with a little more care. Oh well hopefully sometime this week we will be able to go see Hannibal. I read the book and completely loved it. We shall see how the movie measures up. I already heard that the ending was not the same as what it was in the book. Jodie Foster is not starring in it, but as long as Anthony Hopkins remains I am more than happy. Well, the Legislature goes in at 4:00 today, so I will undoubtedly have a long, long, day at work. W...

Things are cranking up to a fever pitch at work...Friday and Monday are going to be the worst days. I have a whole stack of regs...a draft to finish by close of business, an information request, and two meetings to attend today. With that being said, let me get on it! Wish me luck!

Well, work continues to wear upon me. I am still trying to solve my money problems, but I do have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear, so in that regard I am blessed. I am always looking for more though. My thoughts aren't singing out to me like they usually do in the morning, so I may have to come back later after I have something to eat and time to get settled in to my desk.

There is no consolation in hypocrisy or philosophy, so invariably you are best to stay true to yourself. When contention rares its ugly head, it is best to handle it as you would anything else. Stay true to your personality, and don't ever think that you should practice what you preach, because preaching entails a great deal of responsibility. Also, never make promises that you cannot keep. I always pride myself with saying that, but, ultimately it is better to not make promises, but to create big outcomes. I have reevaluated how I handle the stresses of work and other things in my life, and I think that it is best to stay true to my instincts and I think I will remain on the straight path. I have come to this resolution after talking with my father about a great many decisions that I have to make in regard to the rest of my life. Now that I am precariously balanced on the fine line between twenty-something and thirty-something I realize that time is no longer my ally. There...

Another weekend has come and gone, and I am poised to begin working my 5th Legislative Session, and I really don't want to be here...I am mournfully unhappy at the moment. I really want to take my life a different direction. The reality of life is really setting in, and there are a great many things that I wish that I had done differently. The longer I stay on this course at LRC the harder it will be to break away. I never wanted to become dependant on any vocation, but apparently that has happened. I suppose being nearly 30 years of age, the ability to pick up and switch gears becomes harder and harder. I am very happy with my relationship, but, it is because of my present relationship and all of the responsibility that I have now that I am taking more of an introspective look at the current state of my life. I have been blessed in a great many ways, but I don't think that I have truly blossomed yet. Any day now I suppose. I can just wait and see....this morning I sho...

Well, today is Friday, yet another week has come and gone....I do have to work tonight, but thankfully enough I do have Saturday off. I don't know how much free time I will have, because I have a lot of things that I want to get accomplished. I really do want to get the house into better shape, and put all of the boxes of Christmas ornaments and what not into storage. I will probably do that early on Saturday morning....I can't wait to see Devon's basketball game...I have had to miss the last two in a row. The job at Elder-Beerman is really starting to get on my nerves although it is much easier now that Christmas season is over. Renee has put in her two weeks notice at the store, and I think that it may be for the best. Although the extra money helps no doubt it is still refreshing to be able to see one another at night. I am tired of working two jobs myself just to keep my head above water. Slowly but surely the sad financial state that I have put myself in is beg...

Well, my mother called me this morning to tell me that my Uncle Clyde had passed away yesterday at around 7:00 p.m. It was kind of a tough blow to take early in the morning, but somehow there was a sense of relief. Poor Uncle Clyde had problems with his health for years and years. He was nearly 6'8", very handsome, and a very sharp dresser. I will really miss him, and I wish that I had been able to see him the last time I was in D.C. It was just a very few months ago that his oldest son, my cousin had succumbed to cancer. It is strange like that sometimes, how it seems like tragedy upon tragedy occurs. All in all my Mother's side of the family has been blessed...my Uncle Grover passed away in 63' After that my Grandfather in 92', then my Cousin, now Uncle Clyde. From what I understand he mended some severed relationships before he passed, and that is such a blessing. To me, it was a very important lesson. I hope that I am never in a position where I am ...

Well, once again it is Monday morning, and I have a multitude of things to do....but right now I choose to reflect upon those things that I experienced this weekend. Renee and I went to our marriage preparation class together from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. The day flew by because we were doing so many fun things. Most of the exercises were very revealing in the sense that I learned almost as much about myself as what I did about Renee. There were some things that I was nervous about going into in regard to conflict resolution because I always have this anxiety about arguing. But after the initial ice was broken I got a clearer understanding of Renee's point of view on a lot of things. There is no sense in embarking on the "how and why" of many things that we go through, but just to understand that they are there, things happen, but we need to accomodate one another as much as we can, and to live our lives solely for the purpose of bettering one another, and the people ...

*sigh*...Just by the date of the entry you have an idea of how long it has been since I have been into my weblog. Things are going pretty well, though I just found out that an O2 sensor for my car will not be covered by the expensive extended warranty that I purchased. Therefore I will have to relinquish $327.00 if I ever want the Dodge, (which Renee has named Jody), to ever travel any faster than 50 miles per hour. So little time, so much work, so little money. That is my new saying for about everything in my life right now. I am very pleased however, to be attending a marriage retreat with Renee tomorrow. I suppose we will find out how compatible, or how compatible that other people perceive us to be on this retreat. We took a Meyers-Briggs'ish' type test called a FOCCUS test, and it basically asked the same basic question in a multitude of ways. I was fearful that perhaps we would have little in common by the way some of the anwers were annotated, but just like Renee...