Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Where's Daddy?

As the family sobbed, Brig. Gen. Maston Robeson presented a folded American flag to Pokorney's widow, who handed it to her daughter. Taylor clutched the flag as she accompanied her mother to the casket. As they turned around, the girl asked her mother, "Where's Daddy?" [Click for full article]

I thought about the consequences of military service this morning when I was waking my children for school. I just imagined how I would feel being deployed and unable to see them any time that I wanted to. My oldest was sick today so he stayed in bed, my five year old got out of bed and stumbled down the hallway toward the bathroom. I woke my daughter, (who is destined to be a morning person), and marveled at how 3 seconds after having been awakened she started to smile. As I went about my morning routine which consists of finding clothes, (my own included), and making bottles and pouring juice. I had to wonder what sort of impact my being away would have on my children. I know how it would be for me, but I wonder what kind of worries or fears that they would have.

My nine year-old hasn't asked very many questions about the war, because I think he understands a great deal. My 5 year old is still blessed with being oblivious to anything that is outside of his normal routine. I also thought that if I were to be pulled away suddenly for a year, that perhaps my daughter would have no recollection of me whatsoever when I returned. I also began to think about other strange things that I, and other people take for granted. Sometimes during the day when I have been asked my millionth question about something I begin to get exasperated. I remember saying, "I don't know Robbie. Please go watch TV/Go play/Go to bed/be a little more quiet." Or perhaps on those days when my oldest wants to play ball, or go to the park or something and I say. "Dude, I am soooo tired....maybe in a little while." I also have to think about the number of times that I am praying that my daughter will go to sleep so I can eat/watch t.v./talk on the phone, or something like that. I wonder how much time I have missed out on with my children despite the fact that I live in the same house with them. Kind of scary to think about.

The listed article above really made me think about spending that quality time with children. We never know exactly how much time we are going to have on this earth, and we never know when the last time is that we are going to see someone. Inevitably it is going to happen. We, at some time or another are going to have a last conversation with someone that we love. I would only hope that my last conversation, look, words, or interaction with those that I love is one that will somehow encapuslate the nature of our relationship. Maybe I ought to live my life like I haven't much time left.....I suppose in the grand scheme of things, none of us have much time left. Might as well make what we have count.

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