Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

36..... Happy Birthday to me.

Out of the loop.... I have been completely out of the loop since coming off of deployment. I am back into the garrison lifestyle and somehow I am fighting getting used to it. I haven't blogged about anything since I came out of theater, although I have done a lot of things. I had a week's long stay in Miami for vacation, went to a bunch of Pop Warner football games, Road tripped to Camp Lejeune for Thanksgiving, and basically tried to reintegrate into my family lifestyle. Tomorrow, which at the time of this post is in approximately twenty minutes, I will be 36 years old. So, I may not have anything compelling to share, but I will definitely, post the obligatory birthday cake with the age title in bold font. Hopefully I will feel inspired as we get closer to Christmas.

Soon.... I will be whole again.

When I first knew I loved you.... It was at the moment, When from our bed, The sounds of passions were heard, It was at the hour, When our marriage vows, Seem to echo in the songs of joyous birds. Calming breezes, cool waters clear, Make music to my lonely ear. The morning dew and grasses wet, Keep despair on all sides beset. And in the sky, the stars have written, About love and things unforgiven, And in the ocean, an adventuresome unknown, Not unlike the forest and field overgrown. And in the clouds with sun obscured, So deeply gray, and lightly pure. Which precedes the end of toiling day, As the moon awakens, holding darkness' sway. It is at this moment I do reflect, Not merely recall, Or simply recollect. Upon my life with you, And all that it means, Pure and calming, Like wind through the trees. Just a little something I wrote that was inspired by Lord Byron. I love you, Renee.

Time is standing still..... And I think I am about to lose my mind.......so close, yet so far away.

Not soon enough... ...but soon Iraq will be just a memory, and I will be with my wife again.

6 Happiness is being with you....Ever After. Unfortunately life is not like a fairy tale. The good guys don't always win, and sometimes bad things come to good people. But if there is one aspect in my life that I am blessed about, it is being married to the most wonderful woman in the world. I am here in Iraq, and my wife is at home. Unfortunately I am not there with her for my 6th Anniversay, I missed number five because of the military, and I would do anything to have another one like Number Four right now. Unfortunately, all I have are the fond memories. It isn't easy being so far away from you and the kids right now. But I know that this will pass soon enough, and we will all be together again. I hope that you realize that thoughts of you are what fill my head when I wake up, and when I go to sleep every night. You are almost never off my mind. I am so happy that I have you to explore life with.....you are my "Happily Ever After" .

I'm jealous of stupid people.... I have lived my entire life with the burden of consequence and repercussion looming over my shoulder. Obviously as a child, these concepts came in the form of "Mom and Dad". There were so many things that I wanted to do that I never tried because of these parameters. There were some things that I tried and managed to keep from them in order to avoid the penalties that came from "Mom and Dad". Other times, these "book ends of severity" were right there when I stepped off of the trodden path and decided to go my own stupid, adolescent, irresponsible way. They quickly got me back on the straight and narrow. Now, as an adult, I may not always make the best decision, but I look at consequence and repercussion and I appropriately weigh their possibilities before making a decision. Since I have been here, I have had an epiphany, I realize that there are some people here who have NEVER been hampered by the confines of com...

35 is not 18...... Last night I was entering a compound with a couple of my squads and squad leaders. It was surrounded by about an eight foot wall. In order to breach it, I sent a dismount over with just a pistol to unlatch the gate from the inside. He climbed the wall, lowered himself down by his hands, and dropped. I climbed up on the wall to over watch for him. Once he was inside, he said, "Aw man, it's got a chain on it with a lock." About that time, several dogs started barking. My dismount turned around and pointed his pistol in their direction. In hopes of giving him more support, I jumped off the wall into the courtyard to provide more security. It sounded like a great idea in theory.....until I hit the ground. It was roughly an eight foot drop, and when I landed I was painfully aware of every joint in my body. A weird "ZING" went from my feet to the top of my head, and I crumpled over into a PLF to try and absorb some of the shock. My dismoun...

KELLY'S TOP 100 100 things about me. If they appear to be random and shifting, then you are 100 percent right. I actually wrote these out in my real journal over the course of about a month. I would think about something, and then I would jot them down....1, 2, 3, 7 at a time. So..enjoy if you aren't too bored. 1. My oldest sister used to call me her “chocolate Billy” when I was young. 2. My earliest memories are of Stuttgart, Germany. 3. My first dog’s name was Blacky, I got him in 1978 when I was in first grade. 4. He died in 1992 when I was 21 and stationed at Ft. Knox. 5. I cried for two days. 6. I think soccer is the world’s greatest sport. 7. My older sister Carolyn is the smartest person I know. 8. I love to play Jeopardy and I am good at it. 9. I have a crude working knowledge of Spanish. 10.I had my first girlfriend in 4th grade. 11. She could run faster than me. 12. From 1st through 6th grade I only liked my 3rd grade teacher Ms. Coffman, she was strict but fair. Fair...

I thought about you.... I kept all of those smiles you managed to muster just for me, and I took them from my breast pocket when I needed to turn night into day. I closed my eyes and heard the sing-song of your voice and watched the sunlight bend to the sway of each note. I thought of the first time I made you say my name, and I was intoxicated by the remembrance of new love. I gather each piece of my life that reminds me of you, and I sprinkle them on the bed. Each night I breathe you in, and I am home. I miss you baby.

I've come a long, long way but ..... .....still have so very far to go.

Memorial Day 2007 How should Memorial Day be celebrated? I am not sure, as a veteran, and fortunately as a leader who has not lost a man in this miserable conflict, I can't tell you. I did think of all who have died to date, and I even said a prayer for them before I rolled out yesterday. But, in catching the fleeting news glimpses on AFN while I was in the chow hall, it seems as if those on the campaign trail are using this day to prove some particular point. I couldn't tell you how they should be observing Memorial Day, but I have a better grasp of how they should NOT be observing it. The G.I. is not a rope to be tugged back and forth for political gain. The G.I. should not be spoken of as if he is a child, or a hapless mute. The G.I. should not be spoken FOR, save by his military leaders. All of this you support the troops, or you do not support the troops is not done in the best interest of the troops, it is done in the interest of proving a particular point. There are some...

Just another day.... No different than any other, so unfortunately I am still in the battle space. I miss my wife and children and family so much now. I have been here for approximately seven months and it seems like seven years at times. I need to stop talking....tired now.

I couldn't be more proud... Not too much time to write, and I have to be careful about what I write. EVERY single one of the guys in my platoon earned one of these already. I couldn't be more proud of them. They are successful by themselves. I will be successful if everyone comes home unhurt. I can't wait to get home!

I am now back in the..... suck.

New Year's Eve 2006..... Coming off of Saddam Hussein't execution yesterday, and the change of year tomorrow you would think I would be poised to do some serious blogging. Despite how poignant a reflection of what I was thinking at this moment could be in years to come, the bottom line is......I'm just too damn tired.

Mirror Pic for Christmas.... Well, my post a couple of days before Christmas kind of betrayed the Christmas blues that I was feeling despite the fact that I was trying to pull off the notion that I could have cared less about Christmas. I talked to my parents, my sisters, and my wife today. My kids were too engaged with Christmas presents at the time that I called, and on top of that I got pulled off the phone to take care of some things. I do feel pretty good, however. Today was a normal day in regard to having work, having deadlines, and having the constant threat of AIF. But all in all I feel good. It is Christmas. Nobody can take that from me, no matter how far from home I may be, the celebration of Jesus' birthday is something that kind of helps me focus while I am here so far away from home. Of course the AIF didn't take a break today, but they were a little more quiet than usual. We caught a 60mm earlier today, and I heard a few more explosions in the distance. I took a ...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.... I would have to say that the title of this post is probably one of the most mendacious statements that I have purposefully made on this blog since I started. It really doesn't look like Christmas. This place looks like Tatooine with a monsoon season. It is cold now, sometimes dipping down into the 40's with overcast skies, and a perpetual misty rain coming down. When you have sand that has the consistency of powdered sugar coupled with rain, you have a complete mess. I went to chow the other night, and there were a bunch of Christmas decorations aroound, but I didn't get that Christmas feeling. They even had some members of the Army Band here playing Christmas songs, but I still didn't get the feeling. I feel like telling the big brass that coming up with something special for troops over in a combat zone is pointless. Just a gesture that only seeks to let us know how far from home, and how far away from a plac...

Well today sucks, but at least...... ....I got to talk to the wife and the kids today. But, things are very bad for me today. Not in the "war is hell, but the men are brave", sort of way. Just bad all around. I am sore from attempting to lift weights. I didn't leave the FOB today, I was stuck behind the desk doing tons of paperwork which is not my favorite thing to do, and I think I am getting a stomach bug. And do you know what is worse than that? The theme from "Welcome Back Kotter" keeps going around and around my head for some reason. I think I have discovered a torture tactic that we could use to get detainees to spill the beans on where weapons caches and terror cells are located. Duct tape them to a chair and play the theme music from sitcoms circa 1972 to 1979.