Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

Hoodwinked, Bamboozled, Led-astray! I couldn't believe what happened this weekend, Renee was showing a lot of excitement about an outing with her friend Michelle. She wanted to go to the Atomic Cafe in Lexington for some type of Carribean celebration. That was cool, I hadn't planned on doing much that weekend anyway, so we decided to stay the night in Lexington on Friday night. I didn't work on Friday because Devon and Robbie didn't have school. We just ran around a little bit having a good time. By the time we got back home Renee was there watching television and she seemed to be a little bit "antsy". She really wanted to get out of the house, she claimed that Michelle was going to get her hair done and she wanted to go with her. So I said, "Well babe, just go on...I have a few things to do, and then I will come on up afterward." She was happy and immediately took off. I finished a load of laundry, packed some clothes for the boys and heade...

February 14th, 2002. I have a lot to be thankful for on this Valentine's Day. This is the first Valentine's Day that I will be spending as a married man. A married man with two children and one on the way. Simply unbelievable. I always dreamed about being in this position, but it always seemed as if it would never arrive. There is nothing I like more than having a close family about me. I see so much love in my house. From the two young boys that run wild, to the beautiful woman whom I have pledged my life too. From the warmth of her touch, to the gentle swell of her belly that holds a new life, nothing could be better. I am looking forward to this weekend where I will attend the right of acceptance for the final phase of my conversion to the Catholic faith. I am not sure what the evening will hold in store for me. I am going to head out of here today in high hopes of continuing with that routine that I have grown so fond of. All of the things that are important to ...

Well, this weekend passed me by with no major incident. I was at National Guard duty all weekend so I basically had a seven day work week. I suppose that in a way it makes Monday not quite as insufferable since I had to be up earlier for drill than what I usually am to go to work. I had to come in this morning at 6:30 to do the time posting and project updating. I woke up a little earlier and got the boys moving on their daily routine. Renee was feeling pretty good this morning so that was definitely an added plus. I thought about all that we are going to experience over the next nine months and I had to smile. Can you imagine that? Three kids? Wow! I am really looking forward to the birth of this child and all that comes with it. I am still trying to learn all of the details of this job because I think I am going to be the only one working in this capacity in the next few months. My, My, My.....so little time has passed, but there have been major changes in my life over th...

This morning I woke up before the alarm went off with a pressing need to get ready. I got up, showered, dressed, and began attending to Devon and Robbie. After they were dressed I went outside to start the cars and scrape the ice off of the windshield. After I dropped Devon off at school and Robbie at the Daycare, Renee and I headed to Lexington. We arrived at our destination and signed in. Although we only waited about 15 minutes, it seemed like an eternity. We finally got the call and went into the room. After all of the devices were turned on and Renee was in position we looked at the screen. All I could see was a little knot and a tiny flicker. The lady put the cursor on the flicker and tapped a button. I said, "What's that?" She smiled and said, "That is your baby's heartbeat ."

It's been a month since I have posted anything in this weblog. I do apologize, but enough of all of that already. I have a hot tip for you. DO NOT GO SEE "VANILLA SKY". I don't know what Tom Cruise is going through, but that movie was utterly pathetic. The flashing back and forth and confusing scenes had my head hurting by the 30 minute mark in this movie. It was entirely too long, the plot was stupid, and the use of a character in the very end to try and sort out the confusing drivel was insulting. I suppose it was my fault for not reading a review from a reputable film critic, but the trailers I have seen for it made it seem as if it were a suspense thriller. I had no idea it was a Stanley Kubrick-Clockwork Orange-I didn't get enough LSD in the sixties type affair. Luckily I went to see this piece of garbage at the three dollar movie. All I could think about on the drive home was, "My wife and I get precious little time alone with one another, and...

Well, by the date of this post you can see how attentive I have been to my weblog. Unfortunately my journal at home has much greater cause for protest. I decided to post this message today because everyone else thinks that this should be a special day. Today when I woke up, my twenty-something phase of my life was behind me. November 29th, 1971 to November 29th, 2001, exactly 30 years ago today I was born into this world, and it has been one hell of a ride ever since. I suppose many people, (women for the most part), look at turning 30 with the resolute drudgery that they are OLD, I don't mean older....I mean OLD. I suppose this realization deals with the idea that there are certain dreams, goals, and aspirations that will never come to fruition because you are just too rotten OLD! Well, I suppose that is the case, but I am so happy with my life it really doesn't matter to me. I consider my life to be a journey, and I proceeded on this journey with the realization that...

Everyone falls prey to the stresses and pains of everyday life. Even the simplest of situations can spawn into a bog of trouble and despair. What really adds to this fact is when we inevitably say, "Woe is me; nobody understands me; what did I do to deserve this; why am I being treated this way?" I think the id demands that we soothe ourselves by casting the shadow of blame for our dilemna wholly upon someone else. When more than one person attempts to do this in a certain situation it goes without saying that stress is inevitable. I had a variety of things stressing me yesterday before I went to my RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) class. It felt good to get my mind off of things and talk about the methods and intentions of Christ while he was here on earth. While we did not address any of the issues that were gnawing at the pit of my stomach I somehow felt relieved. I am not sure why, but whether or not I am able to solve all of the problems that bother...

Three possibilities.....People understand you.....People can't understand you......people WON't understand you.......any questions? I have many.

September 11th, 2001 A day that will ALSO live in infamy A prayer for the valiant:......................Many citizens of the United State who enjoy the freedoms and liberties that are only available within our borders are shocked by what they have seen. A little over 10 years ago a 19 year old returned from the Persian Gulf, he had maneuvered with a unit that saw action in Iraq, and helped with the massive cleanup in Kuwait...smoke-filled skies, miles of highway littered with dead bodies, and the simultaneous desperation and joy of a newly liberated people. The Kuwaitis had been robbed, kidnapped, raped, shot, hung, tortured, and exploited by the Iraquis....they knew then what many of us are jus seeing now....Terror. That 19 year old thanked God for allowing him to return home safely to his loved ones, and to a place that he though was free of Terror. A little over 10 years later he types this message out to you with the realization that Terror is everywhere, how it is dealt ...

Okay, a brief synopsis of my life from my last posting to this message.....I am happily married now....unbelievable! The wedding ceremony, though I had my misgivings about the amount of money that we spent, was absolutely beautiful. It made everything well worth the financial stress. I was looking about the church trying to see how many people showed up as they RSVP'ed, and how many "gate-crashers" were there. I saw all of my Groomsmen enter the church, and I had to note how absolutely beautiful my sisters looked upon entering the church. It was really something else....it was just unbelievable. I was looking over at my parents, and some of my friends who were sitting to my left, and I heard Renee's cousin start singing "You and I" by Stevie Wonder. I looked up, and that is when I saw Renee entering the church. To make a long story short I punked out.....LOL! The tears came up so quickly that I couldn't control them. It wasn't that I was ne...

Well, we are down to the single digit days now. The time has still been crawling by for the last three weeks. I am soooooo tired of the right-before-the-wedding details. I just want to hurry up and fast forward to the ceremony and the honeymoon. There seems to be 1001 last minute things that need to be done. Well, something else has come up so I have to finish this post later.

A clock that counts down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until my wedding ceremony begins: This is the image that greets me when I enter the main part of my website. Nevertheless, I have not felt the uneasiness, anxiety, or uncertainty about a day as momentous as this. I am inexplicably calm at the present point, and to be quite frank the only feelings I have are of eagerness to be done with the wedding ceremony and start my new life. I am soooooo tired of people saying, "Well, you only have two or three weeks left, are ya nervous? Ya got cold feet? You aren't having second thoughts are ya?" One of my former co-workers--he is such an ass--emailed me and asked if I was going to go out with a "bang", like he did, at my bachelor party. I told him that it would not be that type of party. Kind of makes me wonder what some people get married for in the first place. I really don't look at the marriage ceremony and gesture as what I am "giving u...

Ho hummmmmmm.....well, I have been mournfully neglectful in keeping my on-line journal, but I have been very responsible about keeping my thoughts annotated in my hardback version. It has been a couple of weeks since I committed anything to my journal, and unfortunately I have some bad news....Renee's grandmother, "Mamoo", passed on the 4th of July. Boy oh boy. Though she is no longer suffering I am going to miss her a great deal. In the two years that Renee and I have been together I have grown quite fond of every member of her family, even Randall whom I have to spar with in some form or fashion every time we see one another. The family is holding together well, but there is a noticeable difference now that the "rock" is gone. Though Mamoo was suffering from dymensia, and her health was failing she still retained every part of the dignity that defined her. Out of everyone in the family I feel the most sympathy for Mr. Paul. He and Mamoo were married f...

Okay, disregard the previous melancholy self-defeated post dated 6/20/01. Everything worked out perfectly and we are on our way. I spent a quiet weekend with Renee, and I felt so energized when I woke up to head to work today. Everything is going well at this point I have just a few weeks before I get married. I have been waiting for this day my entire life. Many people think of a wedding being a woman's day, and to a certain extent it is. It is a day when a woman feels the most beautiful, regal, sophisticated, and enchanting. I suppose that is because of all of the traditional pomp and circumstance that everyone likes to be a part of. But, though I want to bask in the revelry of the day, of the hour, of the moment. I am looking at my life taking a new course. Renee will be the woman that I will share everything with, have children with, laugh with, cry with, get old with, and die with. While the concept it is fascinating and somewhat storybook, it is scary. Not scary i...

Things have been going spectacularly well as of late, but yet there is another hangup. I am not going to lose faith, but I am going to keep looking up to the sky. I am going to keep praying on this one and hopefully things will turn out.......things may not come easy, but things will come.

Well it has been a long time since I wrote anything in this weblog....I attempted to about 3 weeks ago, and actually I wrote a lot, but the server crashed and I was not about to write that much again. Well, things are going amazingly well for me here in lil ole Kentucky. My lady and I are getting married in less than 2 months, she got a new job and a pay raise, the boys are doing well, its summer time, and we have been getting along superbly. How could things get any better? I got a NEW JOB! I was picked to work in the Governor's Office of Technology as a Resource Management Analyst II. What exactly a Resource Management Analyst II does in comparison to a Resource Management Analyst I I don't know.....hell....I don't even know what I am going to be doing. All I know is that I will be making sure that a software program runs smoothly that handles accounts payable and receivable, and keeps up with comp time. I am a little nervous as I have no formal computer training,...

Well, things this weekend went very well....I didn't get all of the rest that I had hoped to, but luckily I did enjoy myself....I did manage about 3 hours of time with just me and Renee. We went to see Chris Rock's "Down to Earth", it wasn't the fun-themed comedy that I expected. It was very funny, but most of the entertainment came from the numerous stand-up comedy scenes that were showcased. Chris Rock is a very talented comedian, but, I think that he ought to look at some of the movie roles that he accepts with a little more care. Oh well hopefully sometime this week we will be able to go see Hannibal. I read the book and completely loved it. We shall see how the movie measures up. I already heard that the ending was not the same as what it was in the book. Jodie Foster is not starring in it, but as long as Anthony Hopkins remains I am more than happy. Well, the Legislature goes in at 4:00 today, so I will undoubtedly have a long, long, day at work. W...

Things are cranking up to a fever pitch at work...Friday and Monday are going to be the worst days. I have a whole stack of regs...a draft to finish by close of business, an information request, and two meetings to attend today. With that being said, let me get on it! Wish me luck!

Well, work continues to wear upon me. I am still trying to solve my money problems, but I do have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear, so in that regard I am blessed. I am always looking for more though. My thoughts aren't singing out to me like they usually do in the morning, so I may have to come back later after I have something to eat and time to get settled in to my desk.

There is no consolation in hypocrisy or philosophy, so invariably you are best to stay true to yourself. When contention rares its ugly head, it is best to handle it as you would anything else. Stay true to your personality, and don't ever think that you should practice what you preach, because preaching entails a great deal of responsibility. Also, never make promises that you cannot keep. I always pride myself with saying that, but, ultimately it is better to not make promises, but to create big outcomes. I have reevaluated how I handle the stresses of work and other things in my life, and I think that it is best to stay true to my instincts and I think I will remain on the straight path. I have come to this resolution after talking with my father about a great many decisions that I have to make in regard to the rest of my life. Now that I am precariously balanced on the fine line between twenty-something and thirty-something I realize that time is no longer my ally. There...