Kelly Smith Weblog Aficionado: Just a guy vs. Life

Well, things this weekend went very well....I didn't get all of the rest that I had hoped to, but luckily I did enjoy myself....I did manage about 3 hours of time with just me and Renee. We went to see Chris Rock's "Down to Earth", it wasn't the fun-themed comedy that I expected. It was very funny, but most of the entertainment came from the numerous stand-up comedy scenes that were showcased. Chris Rock is a very talented comedian, but, I think that he ought to look at some of the movie roles that he accepts with a little more care. Oh well hopefully sometime this week we will be able to go see Hannibal. I read the book and completely loved it. We shall see how the movie measures up. I already heard that the ending was not the same as what it was in the book. Jodie Foster is not starring in it, but as long as Anthony Hopkins remains I am more than happy. Well, the Legislature goes in at 4:00 today, so I will undoubtedly have a long, long, day at work. W...

Things are cranking up to a fever pitch at work...Friday and Monday are going to be the worst days. I have a whole stack of regs...a draft to finish by close of business, an information request, and two meetings to attend today. With that being said, let me get on it! Wish me luck!

Well, work continues to wear upon me. I am still trying to solve my money problems, but I do have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to wear, so in that regard I am blessed. I am always looking for more though. My thoughts aren't singing out to me like they usually do in the morning, so I may have to come back later after I have something to eat and time to get settled in to my desk.

There is no consolation in hypocrisy or philosophy, so invariably you are best to stay true to yourself. When contention rares its ugly head, it is best to handle it as you would anything else. Stay true to your personality, and don't ever think that you should practice what you preach, because preaching entails a great deal of responsibility. Also, never make promises that you cannot keep. I always pride myself with saying that, but, ultimately it is better to not make promises, but to create big outcomes. I have reevaluated how I handle the stresses of work and other things in my life, and I think that it is best to stay true to my instincts and I think I will remain on the straight path. I have come to this resolution after talking with my father about a great many decisions that I have to make in regard to the rest of my life. Now that I am precariously balanced on the fine line between twenty-something and thirty-something I realize that time is no longer my ally. There...

Another weekend has come and gone, and I am poised to begin working my 5th Legislative Session, and I really don't want to be here...I am mournfully unhappy at the moment. I really want to take my life a different direction. The reality of life is really setting in, and there are a great many things that I wish that I had done differently. The longer I stay on this course at LRC the harder it will be to break away. I never wanted to become dependant on any vocation, but apparently that has happened. I suppose being nearly 30 years of age, the ability to pick up and switch gears becomes harder and harder. I am very happy with my relationship, but, it is because of my present relationship and all of the responsibility that I have now that I am taking more of an introspective look at the current state of my life. I have been blessed in a great many ways, but I don't think that I have truly blossomed yet. Any day now I suppose. I can just wait and see....this morning I sho...

Well, today is Friday, yet another week has come and gone....I do have to work tonight, but thankfully enough I do have Saturday off. I don't know how much free time I will have, because I have a lot of things that I want to get accomplished. I really do want to get the house into better shape, and put all of the boxes of Christmas ornaments and what not into storage. I will probably do that early on Saturday morning....I can't wait to see Devon's basketball game...I have had to miss the last two in a row. The job at Elder-Beerman is really starting to get on my nerves although it is much easier now that Christmas season is over. Renee has put in her two weeks notice at the store, and I think that it may be for the best. Although the extra money helps no doubt it is still refreshing to be able to see one another at night. I am tired of working two jobs myself just to keep my head above water. Slowly but surely the sad financial state that I have put myself in is beg...

Well, my mother called me this morning to tell me that my Uncle Clyde had passed away yesterday at around 7:00 p.m. It was kind of a tough blow to take early in the morning, but somehow there was a sense of relief. Poor Uncle Clyde had problems with his health for years and years. He was nearly 6'8", very handsome, and a very sharp dresser. I will really miss him, and I wish that I had been able to see him the last time I was in D.C. It was just a very few months ago that his oldest son, my cousin had succumbed to cancer. It is strange like that sometimes, how it seems like tragedy upon tragedy occurs. All in all my Mother's side of the family has been blessed...my Uncle Grover passed away in 63' After that my Grandfather in 92', then my Cousin, now Uncle Clyde. From what I understand he mended some severed relationships before he passed, and that is such a blessing. To me, it was a very important lesson. I hope that I am never in a position where I am ...

Well, once again it is Monday morning, and I have a multitude of things to do....but right now I choose to reflect upon those things that I experienced this weekend. Renee and I went to our marriage preparation class together from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. The day flew by because we were doing so many fun things. Most of the exercises were very revealing in the sense that I learned almost as much about myself as what I did about Renee. There were some things that I was nervous about going into in regard to conflict resolution because I always have this anxiety about arguing. But after the initial ice was broken I got a clearer understanding of Renee's point of view on a lot of things. There is no sense in embarking on the "how and why" of many things that we go through, but just to understand that they are there, things happen, but we need to accomodate one another as much as we can, and to live our lives solely for the purpose of bettering one another, and the people ...

*sigh*...Just by the date of the entry you have an idea of how long it has been since I have been into my weblog. Things are going pretty well, though I just found out that an O2 sensor for my car will not be covered by the expensive extended warranty that I purchased. Therefore I will have to relinquish $327.00 if I ever want the Dodge, (which Renee has named Jody), to ever travel any faster than 50 miles per hour. So little time, so much work, so little money. That is my new saying for about everything in my life right now. I am very pleased however, to be attending a marriage retreat with Renee tomorrow. I suppose we will find out how compatible, or how compatible that other people perceive us to be on this retreat. We took a Meyers-Briggs'ish' type test called a FOCCUS test, and it basically asked the same basic question in a multitude of ways. I was fearful that perhaps we would have little in common by the way some of the anwers were annotated, but just like Renee...

Well, no call from Valvoline so I can only assume what that means for me....I suppose that I must languish at LRC for another indefinite period of time....oh well. Today is the Health and Welfare Christmas party that we will be having at a co-workers house....I baked some Yams last night as a contribution to the festivities....I still have a good deal of Christmas shopping to do for my family...and I have a few things that I still want to pick up for Renee and the boys. I am so excited about the holidays, I have a great many things that I want to do, and a great many places that I want to go. Moreover I am excited about the prospect of enjoying the holidays with my own "immediate" family. The more decorations that I see going up around the house the better that I feel about each and every coming day before Christmas. My posting in this weblog is sporadic to say the least, so if I don't post anything else in here have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Wow, today is something else. I just got out of an insufferably long staff meeting, and I still have a large pile of workthat I planned to have finished by the end of the day. Well, it looks as if I am SOL in that department. I have my interview with Valvoline tomorrow that I am looking forward to with a great deal of excitement. Sounds good to me....Competitive salary and benefits package, expense account, company car, cell phone, lap top, and a relocation package? I could definitely use a change like that in my life....shoot.....The money would be a blessing, and all of the perks....Wowee! I would be moving on up to the east side like George Jefferson! I am so excited about this chance at a new start in life. I think that it would be good, if I get the job, and relocation seems to be a certainty, I would push for an assignment that was at least in a contiguous state. The job also had an incentive and bonus package that allows you to earn bonuses up to 35% of your base salary...

Well, November 30th 2000....yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday....wow...29 years old, it doesn't seem even remotely possible that I am this close to thirty years of age. I had a great birthday....I came into work about 10 "something". Received cake, icecream and a gift from my co-workers. My sister, Renee, and one of her friends named Michelle took me to O'Charley's and treated me to lunch, I had one of my favority O'Charley's meals....vegtetable steamer..."MMMMMMMMMMMSo good!".....After work Renee and I lounged around the house and talked and watched Judge Judy put the screws into several defendants, and headed out the door for Dev's basketball practice at the Y. After that we went up to KSU and watched my Alma Mater beat Morehouse in an overtime defeat. We went home got the boys off to bed, and passed out watching Liar Liar with Jim Carrey. Uneventful birthday? If that is what it is called so be it. To me it was almost picture...

Man, I feel good...a little down in the dumps about the news I heard last night, but I am still excited about the future...more to come later.

November 22nd, 2000.....My mother was born 66 years ago today. Wow....I never thought that the age of 66 could seem so young to me! Maybe it is just because I am getting older...I am not going to be able to come home, but I am going to call her and wish her a happy birthday, I am going to see her tomorrow so that is when I am going to give her a gift and a card. This will also be the first Thanksgiving that Renee and I will spend together. Last year we went to out seperate homes, but we are making a concerted effort to be at one another's house for this special day, we are still working out the details for Christmas time. Wow...mom was born in 1934, and dad in 1933...it seems inconceivable at times. They were born in an entirely different world. A world where poor black folks from the South had little chance of making it out of their respective rural communities, but yet, they did. I wonder how well I would have fared had I been born with so many things stacked against me....

Well, it has been quite some time since I have posted something to my weblog, but I have been much more diligent in regard to making notes in my journal book. Things have been going spectacularly well for Renee and I, and the monetary considerations in regard to our wedding don't seem to be quite as insurmountable. I have decided to not go back in to the active military, but I am considering becoming a National Guard Officer. I do want to have some way to fulfill my dreams of being a military officer even if it is on such a part time basis. *sigh* This was a difficult decision for me because I am never going to have the chance to be an active military officer now because of my age. 28 almost 29 is very young in the grand scheme of things, but nevertheless I am beginning to feel my age in a great many ways. I am working part time at Elder-Beerman, and hopefully that will allow me to put more money away for our upcoming wedding date...August 4th...so far, but yet so close. Thi...

All men who are indeed men second guess themselves and analyze their position in life. I have been doing this more and more as of late. I have seriously considered going back into the military as a permanent career, but I have a great many things to consider now that I never even thought of before. There is the situation with my family, Renee's family, the boys, my financial situation, moving to another state, and the possibility that I could be seperated from Renee, Devon, and Robbie for an extended amount of time. I have thought and thought about all of the pros and cons of the situation and I am leaning toward turning from the military and exploring as many options as I can locally. I have thought about the significant impact that a move like this will have on Renee and the boys. I am concerned about her familial attachments also, but my main concern and point of approval is Renee. She says that she will stand with me no matter what, but I don't want to put her though ...

I have been sitting here this morning staring intently at my computer screen wondering where to begin as to describe my weekend. More than busy, I don't believe that we ever stopped rushing back and forth. On Friday night Renee and I stayed the night in Lexington and went to "Third Fridays" which is our own Kentucky Rural interpretation of First Fridays that so many young black professionals in larger cities enjoy. While the ambience was not that of an upscale nightclub in Manhattan, the people were a lot more refreshing to be around. I can honestly say that I did not spot one "Gold Tooth" in the joint. The function was hosted by the Heritage Council, and they plan to continue on as long as their is an interest. Hopefully the novelty of this event will not eventually wear off, because there are precious few "positive" places for young African-Americans to congregate in Lexington. I saw a lot of business cards as well as phone numbers being excha...

Today started out as terrible as terrible could be. I had so many things to do, bills to pay, work to do, things to worry about. I dreaded this day, because I knew it would be as long as all "get out". I worked through the first part of the day, and it seemed liek it would never end. I looked up from my computer and it was nearly time to eat. Well, I went home at lunch time, and I was in somewhat of a grumpy mood still. I came in made a sandwich, and watched one of those terrible episodes of Riki Lake....I knew my baby was out with her Auntie, and I really wished that I had someone to talk to. I finished gulping down my sandwich and walked into the kitchen...I looked at the clock and sighed as I dreaded finishing up the last half of the day. Then I spotted a card on top of the telephone. On the outside of the envelope it simply said, "Kel" The outside of the card said: I love it when i tell you how my day was and you listen and laugh at the funny ...

There is not always an explanation for everything.

Well, today is the day that I have to take care of the business of telling Sgt Meadows that I am not going to go back into the service. I hope that I did not waste too much of the man's time. But, the other offerings and opportunities that lay before me are much too promising. I can feel myself tingle with excitement just trying to imagine what the future may hold for me. I had a good morning thus far, and I sent Renee a note that I was particularly proud of....it came out of me with little or no effort, and here is what I had to say. Renee...I love you, I cherish you, I think about you all the time, and I will uplift you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, as long as I live. Marriage will not be a new phase of my feelings for you, rather it will just be a new definition of the terms by which I have devoted my life to you and your beautiful sons. You are my sunrise, and you are the Alpha and Omega of every day of my life. Well, I am thinking about all of the option...